World Domination Plans

New Bloggage

2006-12-31T14:21:00.000+11:00

Um yeah...can be found here:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/_siera_/

Rachael

2006-01-18T01:17:00.000+11:00

I'll just give a slight backstory as to the reasoning of this post and some such.

I met Rachael through the Melbourne Goth Forum around 3 monthes ago and we soon became good friends, and there have been a few occasions where I have caught myself looking at her affectionatly. But now I'm just unsure of what to do or what she feels.

On Saturday, we went to Carmilla's (goth club in Melbourne) and danced into the wee hours of the morning (7:30 am to be exact). Quite a few things did go wrong including Aeryn's ex being there, my going from sober to smashed in no time at all (no happy in between =( ), finding out that a good male friend of mine has a crush on me and having to talk to one of his friends about that, and at the end of the night/morning, Pete (the bouncer) requesting that next time we go, to make sure I have ID on me...so it wasn't the best of nights...but anyway. As the night/morning progressed, a couple of us (Rachael, me, Geoff, Ben, Mara) were in the upstaires chill out room, and I can't really recall how it happened, but I rested my head on Rachael's shoulder and it somehow progressed to the point where her arm was around me and her other hand was in my hand...and I couldn't help but feel tingles through me and feel like things were...well...perfect isn't the word...but it's hard to describe.

Anyway, after a while we went down stairs to the middle level (bottom level's closed due to renovations) to dance.

I can't really remember the proper series of events, but we went downstaires and sat on one of the floor level chairs and ended up in the same position, my head rested agains her chest, her arm around me and her hand in mine....t'was good...raising my head occasionally to look at who was walking by. I think we then got up to dance as Rammstein came on and it's one of Rachael's favourite bands....so we HAD to dance =P After we danced, Mara bought as drinks and due to lack of seat-age, I ended up sitting on Rachael's lap...sitting our drinks and looking at the people dancing and so on. After a while, Rachael said "Do you want to go and sit some more?" which I was somewhat glad to hear so that I knew I wasn't forcing anything onto her. And we ended up snuggled together on one of the couchs...And I got all tingly again -_-;

Jay came over and tried matchmaking me to Mara and picking me up and putting him on my lap...needless to say, I didn't know what to do...I didn't want to hurt Mara's feelings, but I really wanted to continue snuggling with Rachael, so I ended up stretching my hand out and holding onto that until Mara as done with massaging my back. I then went to sit back with Rachael, but she turned her body so that I wouldn't be leaning up against her side, but instead she would be sitting behind me and had both of her hands around me. It was then that at some stage I leant my head back to rest on her shoulder, and she kissed my cheek. I didn't jump or turn away or anything, but just continued laying there...it was nice...peaceful even...first time a girl's kissed me in an affectionate way I guess...sorta...

But yeah, we eventuall got kicked out and I was pretty mopey about being asked for ID...ended up going to Galactic Circus to play ParaPara...I was pretty stick up ass at the time so I didn't really try to rest my head on her at all...apart from when we coming down the escalator and she put her arm around me...mew...

Anyway, that brings me to now. When we did finally depart, the hug she gave me was something more closer than what I usually get from her. And I saw her today for the first time since then. I know she's not pretending like nothing ever happened, and neither am I. Though a large majority of the time we were in company of Geoff and 2 of his 'friends' he's trying to net work in...come to think of it, I did sit/stand/walk next to Rachael most of the time...but we weren't alone much and the only sorta cuddling that happened was at the station with her mother when we were waiting for my train. I know I couldn't really do much as I didn't want to give her mother any ideas that something's happening as I know Rachael's mother thinks bisexuality is a 'dirty dirty' thing. But when I finished calling my mother, I did get a bit of a hug and meow...

I don't know what to do.

I know I don't have to do anything at the moment as it's just a few innocent incidences...but the thing is, with Aeryn, I can cuddle up to her and kiss her cheek without it being any more than a friendship type thing, but with Rachael, I know that I can't do that without it having more meaning behind it...which...is odd.

Again, I'm probably blowing things out of proportion, and if anything really DOES actually happen between us, I know it won't be for a while...but I can't help but think...I know that at the moment, Rachael's a pretty big emotional mess, and I'm not really sure if I can cope and deal with that and help her get through it as well as my own problems. And above anything else, I just really don't want to hurt her, because I know that Kristian's hurt her alot, and I don't want to do the same thing...but then there are other things...meow.

I don't know.

At the moment I'm happy being friends and I don't want to go into anything, because if I know that if I do, it'll just be because we're both re-bounding off of broken relationships.

Also, when we were late night DDR-ing tonight and went to get our $11 combo, she said, "I think this might be becoming a regular thing"...I'm not sure what to read into that if anything. But I do really enjoy spending time with her as well as snuggling up to her...I'm just hoping that I can do that without -her- reading into it that far.

I guess only time will tell and this blog has turned into something far beyond what I had in mind. Anyway...we're meeting up at Richmond Station tomorrow to organise patterns and material and such for her costume for the Rippon Lea Mansion MGF Meet Up...t'will be fun! =D

And if I do get some more cuddles - I'll know to appreciate them much more this time...or something...but apparantly she's back in a relationship with Kristian again...I fucking hate that bastard...the ammount of times that he's broken up and gotten back together with her...I don't know...I just wish that he'd fuck off and leave her alone and stop fucking with her feelings and emotions and using her...it's just disgusting and I just hope that I can help her see this situation for that it is...but anyway. Perhaps we'll talk about this tomorrow.

But until then, I'm content with the friends that I have.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

DC Shout Box Fun

2005-12-07T18:14:00.000+11:00

Today at 05:02:53 PM - Sorutoshii - I DEMAND THIS BE ADDED TO THE QUOTE BOX!
Today at 05:01:08 PM - Sorutoshii - O_O;;;;;;;;;
Today at 03:58:19 PM - Tsugi_hayakao - *Boobs DC some more*
Today at 03:50:59 PM - Ayanesama - XD! *dies...just dies before a single laugh could emerge due to extreme hilarity*
Today at 03:47:26 PM - Ezetah - -vaguely wonders when DC became a harem and makes sure everyone has plenty of trojans-
Today at 03:38:37 PM - Ayanesama - OMIGOSH BOOBS!!!! *dives in harms way of the boobs and bras willingly*
Today at 03:18:45 PM - CrispyDraik - *works at 8am on her birthday* I hope I get a good present. XD
Today at 03:16:39 PM - Hoagii - *noodles in bra* D:
Today at 03:11:04 PM - Tsugi_hayakao - *Noodles about*
Today at 03:09:23 PM - Hoagii - *does*
Today at 03:09:13 PM - CrispyDraik - *pokes sore arms* Too much work lately D:
Today at 03:09:10 PM - AinadwensEve - *selling all of her Packrat items* xD If you want first dibs
Today at 03:08:47 PM - AinadwensEve - Leah get on MSN!!
Today at 03:05:43 PM - Tsugi_hayakao - Bras D: *Tries to dodge but boobs weigh down so trips instead* NO. I'm bra-d!
Today at 03:04:01 PM - Tarregonn - O_o;;; lol
Today at 03:03:57 PM - Hoagii - AHH! *sicks attack bras on Kathy*
Today at 02:52:35 PM - Tsugi_hayakao - *Attacks DC with boobs*

RED!!!

2005-11-29T16:09:00.000+11:00

AAAAAHHHHAAAAIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!!

*runs around like the fool she is*

SQUEE!!! IT'S RED!!! IT'S RED!!!! OH MY GAWD!!! it's sssssooooooooooooooooooo RED!

ong...liek...*stare*

...

yes...stare at the red! It's just SOO RED! OMG! RED! ^^

*stops for a moment*

YEAH! RED! SUCK ON THAT HAIRY RED SCHLONG BITCHES! IT'S RED! And you have to come see ME to see it =P

And that's how it is!

Adios!

Edit: 12 days until the 2nd Annual Gothsicle Picnic

Farindol Council 5 Application

2005-11-29T15:45:00.000+11:00

It's crunch time, so here it is. My application for Farindol's Council 5 position, enjoy!

When I first joined Neopets, Guilds were one of the first parts of Neopia that I became instantly connected with. Why? I really don't know, but there was just something about the community and working of everything that intrigued me. I always looked up to those on council and eventually made it on to Council 5 at the Painted Pets' Adoption Guild, which was a great thrill and achievement for me. But due to personnel issues, this privilege of mine was revoked. But it did allow me a taste of life in a guild from a Council Member's point of view of which gave me a great deal of insight and experience which would make me suitable for Council 5 in Farindol as I have past experience in Guild Council positions.

Speaking of Farindol….well…I joined it WAY back; I've been a member and part of the guild for a very long time and have gotten to know the guild, it's members, purpose and workings very well to a point where I’d nearly consider myself a ‘part of the furniture’ as I have been a member who has been there through most everything. Always remaining loyal to the guild and it’s members. I’ve never seen myself as superior to any other member, and stay true to my belief that all are equals, and in this, I’ve also done my best with my sub-council leader position to keep rules in force and to help new members whom seem to be a bit lost.

I'd like to see myself as an active, happy, fun, playful and helpful part of the guild and a role model to other members, even though I have been somewhat inactive as of late as I've had school commitments and personal issues. But school's out for summer and the rest is behind me and I'm ready to give my all and step up to the next level and show what I'm capable of if given the chance. I've already played numerous roles in Farindol, the most recent having been the artwork that is displayed in the new layout of the guild's homepage on Neopets. If given the chance, I am most capable and able to create other original artwork and graphics for the guild; which I think helps with the guild's appearance and attracts new members who haven't yet joined the guild and do 'judge a book by it's cover'.
And there you have it, I really don’t think there’s much more that I can say as I’m more than sure you know of what I’m capable if given the chance to step up and contribute to my maximum ability.

So in conclusion to this…I like cookies…and you should ALL like cookies…because y’know…cookies are like a guild…they taste REALLY good if you eat a lot of them *cough* not really. But anyway, thank you for your time and consideration in this and the good times that I've had with and involved with Faridol through the times.

And that’s how it is =)

Thanks

Working Girl

2005-11-29T13:42:00.000+11:00

Well...I was just called into the kitchen to talk with my parents.

Now, any one who knows me will have heard me complain about me being 'unofficially sacked' from my work because my boss's boss hasn't run me a week after she said she would so we could 'sit down and talk'. And a week later she hasn't called and it's been 2 weeks since I've had a shift there.

Anyway, my parents decided to drop in to Dairy Bell this morning to get an ice cream, and to also see what was going on. Anyway, with the talk we just had in the kitchen, it turns out that they (the people at Dairy Bell) think that I havn't been doing jobs when I've been asked/told to do them. Which is COMPLETE bull shit. Why? Because I'm just not that sort of person. I'm quiet, I'm introverted, I'm rather self conscious a majority of the time and I'm not the sort of 'rebel' to not follow orders from people in superior positions to mine. It might sound pussy footed of me, but that's the way I am and for someone to indirrectly accuse me of such things well...it hurts.

Anyway, my boss's boss, Shirley, has been busy because Dairy Bell's opening a new store and she's had to train staff or something - HELLO! What about training me?! Gawd...my first job ever...give me a break people -_-;
Not asking for sympathy...but you'd recon some people could identify with the feeling of having your first job and not being very sure of anything...but anyway.

Personally I'm not really bothered, which has probably spurred my parents on to take actions into their own hands. Why am I not bothered? I don't know...I just really didn't like the environment or atmosphere there...I think it was on about my 1st or 2nd shift that one of the girls made a comment that it was 'odd that I was working there' because most of all the girls that work there know each other somehow outside of work or something...well um...sorry?
No...not sorry, not sorry at all. Just diappointed that my first experience of working had to be such a crappy one...crappy by means of the people I had to work with...being all girls/chicks/women/bitches, everyone was rather judgemental, and me being so introverted, I found it hard to approach them and when I did, I felt stupid afterwards because they'd replied with something which most likely would've been 'OH SO SIMPLE!' to them.

Cunts.

But life wasn't meant to be fair (ew! Cliche! *prods it*)

Welcome to the Work Force.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

I'd rather just sit acutally...

2005-11-27T16:41:00.000+11:00

Well I just got back from the Calisthenics Cadet Course thingy I had to take...6 hours...even though it ended up being only 5.

*shrug* I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought it could've been. I wouldn't have minded if it was a -bit- less hands on as yeah...social situations when you know absolutly no one really sucks some major hairy schlong and donkey balls.

But I must say, having the only clock in the room -not- working really helped the time pass...honesly...no sarcasm meant. Obviously, it wasn't the first thing I'd want to do on a Sunday afternoon for 6 hours, but i guess it really wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be. Me being my desisive self, I can't decide whether I enjoyed it or not, so I'll just put my mood there as a neutral. *shrug*

Anyway...school tomorrow? Joy...well...it all ends on Thursday, so I can't complain. And will someone PLEASE remind me to put my resume in at Boost on Friday?!

I've come the the conclusion that Dairy Bell have 'dumped' me without saying so...my boss's boss STILL hasn't called me for us to arrange a time to 'sit down and talk' despite her saying that she'd ring me earlier this week and my ringing up my boss to see that's happening. Personally, I don't think I really mind. I mean, it was good to have money, but it's really left me with a negative view on working in (non fast) food places...I mean...I don't know...the girls there...yeah...girls...they're just so...well...they weren't entirely bitchy, but I was told I had to make sure I was doing something (even if I was just wiping down the bench in the same place over and over again) as opposed to standing around waiting for customers when the majority of the time when I WAS wiping he bench, they were just there talking to each other.

I mean...come on! Is it REALLY my fault that I didn't know anyone who worked there OUTSIDE of work? Is it really my fault I have next to nothing in common with them to talk about? Well...maybe not that...but you get my point. I'd like to work at Boost because having worked at Dairy Bell, I'm somewhat familiar with what happens and it means I'll also be able to get my lip pierced as I've seen several people working at Boost with facial piercings (to the extent where one girl had had her lip pierced and had a bit of a lisp). Which will hopefully mean that I can dye my hair the bright red I want as I very much doubt Dairy Bell would appreciate it (they were very clear on 'no un natural hair colours').

Anyway...I have no money...how my mother expects me to continue paying my own way when I have no income is beyond me. And I know I'm not that worse off, I do appreciate that. But this is my L Ghey and it entitles me to whine about every insignificant part of my life =P

And that's how it is.

Adios!

What a Crappy Day XD

2005-11-26T16:25:00.000+11:00

Well...no day can start well when it starts with you getting woken up by an alarm clock on the week-end. I had to stop and think for a minute as to WHY I had my alarm clock set as I didn't think I had school....well...it IS Saturday. After a few moments of utter sleepy confusion, I remembered the devART scav meet and yeah...w00t.

Got ready and stuff and um...yeah...*stabs hair* walked to the station after telling my parents I was going and mother was like, "HOLY WHAT THE COW?!" and yeah...sleepyness is funny. So I left and caught the train into the city. And yeah, getting off the train at Flinders, I walked past this goth-y girl who ended up going into the toilets and yeah. 40 minutes of waiting at Flinder's later, this girl and what I pressume was her boyfriend re-appeared and I got a phonecall from the girl who I was supposed to be meeting with to go to the scav meet...turned out to be the same girl that I'd seen before. Anywho, after waiting 20 minutes or so for Aeryn, we decided to head off to go to the scav meet thinger....um yeah...

The girl that I met with and her boyfriend left pretty much straight after the scavenger hunt started which left me alone with my group. Which was PURILE CRAP! YAY! Why? Because I knew literally no one, and no one bothered to or made minimal effort to make any sort of contact with me...they all had their own friends and shit. What pisses me off even more is that Cassie didn't even turn up and SHE SAID that she would. I left around 2:45 because I just wasn't having fun walking around the city with people who yeah...

And w00t...I havn't blogged in a while, sorry guys. And I keep meaning to reply to your reply too, Brett. Sorry. I'll get around to it...sometime... =S

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Picking up Sticks

2005-11-24T15:37:00.000+11:00

Had double Biology today...and if yesterday didn't make me freak out enough, today definatly has. Perhaps picking up Biology 3/4 after a year of not doing any science wasn't such a good idea afterall...

Anyway, needless to say most were quite shocked to see me walk into the classroom as I suppose I'm generally regarded as the 'art kid' or some such. We were given homework of reading through a handout and highlighting any terms that we didn't understand - I can't even IMAGINE what mine's going to look like -_-; Ishani joked about her whole page being highlighted...I could've slapped her. AT LEAST she's done Unit 2 Biology and does Chem and some bizzarely hard maths.

Perhaps I'm just doubting my own capabilities and what not, but I think I have a right to do so. I don't think my brain is really -meant- for science or maths or music...it just doesn't DO those kinds of things. I've tried doing them, trust me, it didn't work. Maybe all I need is a little push in the right direction or something...I don't know. I was hoping that as I have some interest in animals that I'd find it easy to find an interest in biology, but at the moment it looks like the subject is very much um...more scientific than I thought it was?

Yes, stupid me under assesing situations again -_-; Anywho, subjects are not all in concrete and I can change if I want to...I just don't know what I'll change to =S I'm really not keen on doing Studio even though I'd be doing it over at Sac with Em and Sarah...and any other sciences and maths are definatly out of the picture as is music...and I guess all that really leaves is business management...=S But given my last grade in maths on 'Financial Arithmatic' I don't think that'd be a wise move either.

Maybe I should go see that Careers Counsellor chick at the school...hey! There's a good idea! Go me! =D

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Scary Concepts

2005-11-23T16:17:00.000+11:00

City Dwellings - "Wait...Flinder's doesn't have water!"

2005-11-22T23:22:00.000+11:00

Wow...perhaps I should consider moving out of home and into a residence of a card board box in the city...?

...

Maybe not...

Anyway, managed to spend a total of 9 hours in the city today or something like that (and yes, I am back blogging this and have altered the date, because at this time on the 22nd of November I was terribly tipsy and fell into bed)

Anyway, after I had double VisComm at school, I went home and got changed and stuff and ready to go into the city with Aeryn to go corset shopping ^^ Yey! And I got Boost also >_> Plus Aeryn got to see my BRIGHT RED hair =D Well...it's not REALLY bright red...but it will be, and until then I'll just make believe that it is ^^

Anywho, we went to Victorian Gothic and um...as stupid as it sounds, I was really nervous...perhaps intimidated would be a more correctly fitting word...but anyway. I wasn't too keen on any of their corsets, but I absolutly ADORED their skirts. Very VERY pretty - I want one =( *pokes pockets* WHY MUST YOU BE SO EMPTY?!

Anyway, afer a while of wandering around there we walked back to the tram stop to go back to Flinder's, however, we encountered a few problems...the main one being getting carried away with my digital camera and missing a stop as Ms. CuteMorbidity was quick to point out that "Flinder's doesn't have water" XD Priceless...anyway...we ended up at the docklands and at that stadium thing near Spencer Street which I have NO IDEA what it's called because it keeps changing names...oh well...some pictureness was taken and Aeryn still has my camera O_o;

At Spencer, we discovered the difficulties of getting from one station to another with only 2 platforms being open...yeah...difficult...we kept skipping from station to station trying to catch a train that went back to Flinder's. Believe me! It's easier said than done! Why the fuck Spencer Street needed fixing is beyond me (even though I can't remember what it looked like before they started re-vamping it), but SURELY it couldn't have been any worse than the subway under Flinder's -_-;

Um yeah...after finally getting to Flinder's we walked up to the Swanston Street Macca's because that's where Rachael was and it turned out that there were alot more people than just Rachael there XD Fuck, EVERYONE was thre XD But yess'm...t'was fun and I got to bounce around and be excited about my hair ^^ I think it was either Rachael, Cassie or Geoff who said "WOAH!" when they first saw me...yippee! But um...yeah...walked back to Flinder's and aftr a few minutes there, I left with Rachael and Cassie to go to Charlie Weaver...after a ridiculously long ride, we got to Windsor Station I think, only to discover that Charlie Weaver's closed on Tuesday's...poo.

Got back to Flinder's at 5:30pm...just in time to meet le school friendage for sort of unofficial birthday celebration shit...a bit belated...but anyway...turns out that only Urvashi, Jen, Cici & Liz turned up...and further more, I discovered that I didn't have my savings card on me either so I now owe Jen even more money. Urk! Annoyage! But it all turned out to be semi-alright-ish. We walked up to Crown with Cici & Liz being MORE than distant -_-; And yeah...saw Corpse Bride...

I'm not sure what I think of it (as per usual) I very definatly liked the graphics in it, and the story line was pretty alright for being terribly cliched too ^^ Yey! My only thing against it though is the people in the theatre who took to talking during it -_-; *thwacks them* Why the fuck do people think it's cool to talk ALLL the way through a movie?! If I want to go to the movies and pay good money (whether it's mine or others) to go see a movie I want to see, why can't people at least be polite enough to be considerate of other viewers?! If you DON'T want to see the movie - get the fuck out of the theatre and don't talk the entire way through it!

URG! *end rant*

Anyway...we ended up walking some retarted route back to Flinder's that I swear took TWICE as long as walking back up Southbank and had three times the risk of getting run over...anyway. This is the point where Jen, Liz & Cici had to go home - party poopers! It was only somewhere around 8:30 - 9 too O_o; But yeah...Urvashi and I decided to go walk up Swanston, but in the process of this, I bumped into Anthony, so I convinced him to come walking with us...and yeah...much amusement. Seems that Urvashi likes him, though she doesn't understand my stance: "So what if he looks like your cousin?! He's cute!" Eesh -_-;

When we got back to Flinder's, he left to go back home and Urvashi and I walked around FedSquare before decided to head home ourselves....so yess'm...that was that day.

Someone remind me next time to organise outtings more than 24 hours in advance.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Bad Day

2005-11-20T21:38:00.000+11:00

I know none of you who read this are going to have any idea who or what I'm talking about, but I'm just no going to even try to explain because I honestly can't be fucked.

So brace yourself and beawares of what is more than likely to turn out being a horribly emo blog. So I slap myself in advance =P

Anyway...today was broadbast to be a crappy day no matter what I did to stop it.

Originally, I was supposed to be going to lunch at a family friend's house with their 2 little child brats. Which would be a HORRIBLE affair to attend no matter WHAT happened. So anyway, mother came in and guilt tripped me but essentially, I didn't have to go. Anywa, around 1 o'clock, I somehow got talking to Jen on MSN and found out that she was going bowling at Melbourne Central with Urvashi and her friends and I asked if I could come along because I've actually been meaning to go to Toxik at Melbourne Central to see if I could pick up any desirable skirts.

But anyway, Jen's like, so we have to be there at 1:30pm sharp....and then I freaked out xD But then she said her mum and her would come pick me up and take me there...so yeah, that's what happened and I leaped off the internet and somehow got ready in a cool 15 minutes which included getting dressed, shaving legs and straightening hair 8)

Anyway, we still didn't get there until 2pm...

And I can't be fucked writing much more, so it's onto dot point form!

- Got complimented on boots and was introduced as a 'wannabe goth' -_-; Thanks Urvashi
- Did bowling, didn't get pins down for the first 2 goes
- Kept getting sat on/spanked/kissed by Urvashi
- Went for lunch & got sushi
- 3 of us went to super market to buy a tub of ice cream for us all to eat
- Went back to bowling alley (which was actually also a games arcade and bar...unno how that works)
- Played air hockey with Jen and later found out that I now owe Urvashi $7 for lunch and the game =/
- Urvashi dragged me along to the bar to see if she would be able to redeem her voucher for a free vodka martini (even though neither of us over 18) she also told Jen to stay away because if any of us can't pass for over 18....it's her =(
- All through the making of martini, Urvashi kept repeating, 'You're not getting any of this, no, not any AT ALL...sorry, but I'm really tight when it comes to alcohol...' anyway....I got to have the olive in the bottom...yey...but not before it'd soaked up too much of the martini -_-;
- After Urvashi managed to flaunt her 'chocolate' vodka martini to next to everyone there, we were sitting down and she managed to talk me into using the coupon again as the chick who got her her martini forgot to pick it up off the bench. After much coaxing, she managed to convince me that it'd be alright.

So I went up to the cute guy at the the bar thinger and asked him for it, and after he'd started making it, Urvashi came up to me and said "You can have a tiny sip"

...

2005-11-17T01:02:00.000+11:00

Well...I -WAS- going to blog, but seeing as blogger just took 10 billion hours to load and I'm not about to go to bed, I'm not going to =P

So deal with it!

Anyway, I had the last 2 of my 7 exams today and my tummybox is also going a bit oweys.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Some Quizness

2005-11-13T18:50:00.000+11:00

You scored as Goth. Your A Goth!

Goth

90%

Emo

45%

Prepy

40%

Rocker, Mosher

40%

Chav, Townie, Rude Boy, Ned, Kev

20%

Trendy

20%

Skater

10%

What Group Are You? Chav, Rocker, Skater, Emo, Goth, Trendy, Prepy E.c.t
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as FREAK. MaN you are FREAK arn't you

FREAK

80%

Weirdo

67%

Gothness

60%

Non Goth

33%

Emo

How Goth are You
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as Still has a sense of humor!. Despite what the picture says, you are fairly smart and most people dont really understand you.you tell jokes all the time and only you and 1 or 2 friends get it. (depending on how many are around)you are even possibly Actually brutally retarded but still get the job done.good job smart ass.

Still has a sense of humor!

56%

neo-goth

44%

suicidal goth

28%

satanic

22%

what type of goth are you
created with QuizFarm.com

You scored as socialy correct goth. your what most people see as a goth

socialy correct goth

65%

poser goth

20%

a sex goth

20%

vampire goth

10%

fat goth

http://www.blogger.com/'http://quizfarm.com/test.php?q_id=
created with QuizFarm.com

Now this one's interesting:

You scored as Perky Goth. you are a perky goth, woohoo. you love being happy and exclaming things =] go you.

Perky Goth

85%

goth geek

80%

Fetish Goth

70%

vampire goth.

65%

Pagan goth.

55%

Raver goth.

50%

Romantic goth

35%

Mopey goth.

10%

What kind of goth are you?
created with QuizFarm.com

A Few Concerns

2005-11-08T22:44:00.000+11:00

Annie and I have had a few problems lately...yes...they're not as serious as they could be. But they definatly stir up some concern for me.

Now, anyone who knows me will know that I'm very over protective of Annie...just because...well...I guess I'm naturally over protective, and especially so for Annie because I know that there are a fair few girls out there who wouldn't mind laying their paws on her.

And well...I do read most of her posts on Gaia now...you may call me a stalker if you want, but that's how I discovered that she was 'cheating' on me when we first met. So given that, I guess it's easy to see why I'm so over protective. But just in a post that I've seen she gave a user, 'Nesi' a hug and also a kiss on the cheek and told her to PM her if she wanted...well...it sounds alot worse now that I type it out here. I'm not going to go bombarding Annie with accusations, because I know that that's not the way to go about it. But this 'Nesi' is rather attractive, and is closer to Annie's age than I am...though I'm not entirely sure what age group she's particularly interested in.

I also had a PM a few days ago from some bitch on Gaia wanting to be my 'birthday present'. After a few PMs, I was threatening reporting her for harassment and bringing Annie into this as I know before, when we've been in threads together and other girls have hit on me, she's always told them to keep their hands off and that I'm hers. But when I bought this issue with this chick to her attention, she just sort of shrugged it off saying 'Oh? Is that what it's all about?' because this chick had her PMed Annie saying that she thought she had upset me. Well duh! And had also made some wild suggestion that we be her 'Mommies' -_-;

Absotlutly and truely disgusting. But Annie said she turned it down with a laugh...and I unno...perhaps I'm just getting paranoid...

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Moving On...

2005-11-06T00:37:00.000+11:00

Sorry, meant to tell you guys earlier. But on the 2nd of November, a cliched year and minute since I left LiveJournal, I returned there and have continued blogging there for the last few days. So for any of you who are curious to know about what goes on in this bug's life, you may want to go head over there or something.

The URL is: http://www.livejournal.com/users/_siera_/

Though I think I may continue periodically blogging here every so often, because, believe it or not, when I don't blog here for a few days, I actually feel quite scatter brained and not at all 'with it' like I'm in a million tiny pieces (ooh! How emo of me).

Anyway, I'll possibly post something with the date in late 2006 some time just stating that my blog's moved to the URL above to make it easier for people to get there and stuff...so yeah...over coming fears and such =)

Also! If you're on LiveJournal, PLEASE add me as your friend (even if you don't update there anymore) 'cause I um...want a bit friends list? xD

But anyway, I'll try and get my act together

And that's how it is

Adios!

BIRTHDAY!!! YAY!!! =D

2005-11-05T11:50:00.000+11:00

*peers at journal clock*

Well, given the time and date, I'm now officially 17 *smiles* To the exact minute and day too given that I was born on a Saturday...born to party I say!

Anyway, I had a great night last night so a big thank you to Aeryn for bringing cake-y goodness and to Rachael for just being there and for Kyle and Goonboy for walking me to the station and to whoever groped/licked/kissed me during the night xD

Oh! And also thanks to Aeryn for letting me wear her corset for the night! I very much enjoyed my cleavage-ness. I've now decided I -need- a corset so I can have good cleavage ^^;

Um anyway...17...wow...I've never felt so old...and I've NEVER had so many candles on my cake either o_o But um yeah...I've been saying I'm 17 and it really doesn't phase me but just like...shit...I'M SO FUCKING OLD! XD

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Jimmy's

2005-10-31T11:57:00.000+11:00

Listening to: *thumpthumpthump*
Feeling: Hungover or Tipsy...I can't decide if I'm still drunk or suffering aftereffects
Weather: TERRIBLY BRIGHT!!! AAAH!!! GET IT AWAY FROM ME! *insert random kung-fu moves*

Well I'm going to keep this short. Why? Because I feel like shit/like I still can't stand up on my own accord...but a few pain killers should be able to sort that out or something.

Anyway, I'd arranged with Racheal via AIM to meet at Flinder's at 5:30, so at about 5:28 I gathered up the courage to go to Flinder's and no one was there, just as I was sending a TXT to Racheal, I revieved one from her saying that plans had changed and just to catch the next train to Belgrave. Well I then set off to find a train going to Belgrave, and then I got a call from Racheal just as I was getting into the station saying that she was on Platform 3. So I hung up just as I was on the escalator DOWN to platform 3, and just as soon as I got to the bottom, the train had started pulling out!!! AAH! Most frustrating moment of my life -_-;

So I went for a walk and asked some connex staff where I should be to get to Belgrave, and they said to take the Lilydale Train and change to a Belgrave train. So yeah, I then went for a little walk to kill 10 of the 20 minutes I had to wait for the Lilydale Train, and meanwhile, this Black (Papua New Guinean so I found out) guy started talking to me and asked if my pumpkin as real and if I was a part of a group or a cult or something...to which I said no to of couse =P Given his accent, he was a bit hard to understand and his English was a bit broken, but meh. Train came and then I had my 1 hour and 10 minute train ride...seriously, -the- single longest time I have ever been on a train...truely ridculous...who the fuck lives in the forest anyway?!

Anyway, after missing my stop to change onto a Belgrave Train, and then catching a train back and then catching another one to get to Fern Tree Gully station um...oh also! There was this REALLY weird/freaky guy on the train too, he was this short kid and was wearing a waist coat and jacket over a t-shirt and was also wearing a top hat and kept making balloon animals/swords and giving them to people, and playing the harmonica (REALLY BADLY) and he had this really weird voice and had a hearing/speech impediment and he kept making a noose out of rope and putting it over one of the train railings =S Freaky kid.

Anyway, when I did get to FernTree Gully Station, I was there for something like an hour before I finally got picked up by Jimmy's Dad, Bear and Racheal. And yeah...I always spaz out in cars, I just love being driven ^^ and um yeah, I was also trying to remember the way to Jimmy's house so I could walk the way back to the Train Station when I needed to go home...but I gave up on that after a while when I realised that was going to be one fucker of a walk. So um yeah, we got there and the only other person I knew there was Jimmy and Luke so um yeah...I put my bag and pumpkin down in Jimmy's room before I said something to Racheal along the lines of, "I don't have any alcohol" and then Racheal's like, "Luke! Siera needs alcohol!" XDD It as hilarious, so I got my bag with my wallet in it and Luke, Racheal and I headed off to the bottle shop ^^ and um yeah...it as fun...walking and stuff...and I hadn't even had anything. So yeah...I'd practically finished 1 of my 3 Smirfndoff's before we got home so yeah...but Aeryn was there when we got there! =D Which was awesome! =D So I tackled her and yess'm

Um...went inside for food/sit down/pop ballons and um yeah...I got a massage! Yay! ^^ But we got ushered off outside after a bit and yeah...ground is not good >(

Really didn't feel good after a while so Brett and Aeryn drove me home which I am -so- thankful for. Unfortunatly, given how "OMGI'MGOINGTOTHROWUP" I felt, I didn't get a chance to say good bye to anyone...but hopefully I'm going Trick Or Treating with Racheal this evening...and hopefully she picked up Brian =(

So um...I've learnt never to drink like that 3 nights in a row again...if I hadn't have had Saturday, I would've been fine for Sunday...but I guess it all sort of built up on me and my body didn't get a chance to digest it all etc. I would take Linda's advice to eat stuff to soak up the alcohol, but I had 2 pieces of toast before and felt like I was going to throw up again =X

And that's how it is

Adios!

Too much fun...?

2005-10-30T13:31:00.000+11:00

Listening to: Uggggh.....
Feeling: Hung over
Weather: Um...overcast I think

Well, I did end up going to Jess's 17th last night...I actually wasn't going to go because I didn't think that I was going to know anyone there...well...that ended up being somewhat true, I knew some people...but anyway. Before I get to that.

It took me WAY too long to get ready...probably about 50 minutes? But um yeah, I was only supposed to take 20 minutes tops as I -thought- I knew how to dress myself to 'fit in'...obviously not. I had the worst time trying to pick out an outfit that wouldn't get me too many odd looks...I ended up wearing this strapless skin tight pink dress thing with a floral fringe thingy on the bottom...yes, not a very modest dress at all as it didn't really reach half thigh length...but that WASN'T from lack of trying to pull it down! Because of the hem where the pink met the floral bit, I couldn't really get this part over my butt, so yeah...=/ And because the top of the dress was actually meant to be folded over, I had an ugly tag at the back, so then I had to find something to put over it (I'd gone through 2 outfits before this one) and ended up putting on this white crochet knit top thing and I'm like, "Yeah...I think that's in..." or something. Put that on, and ended up benefiting me alot thoughout the evening.

Anyway, straightened the hair (or tried to, my fringe was a bitch), and then did the make up...I was so tempted to smudge the eyeliner...I resisted though! =D And I still have no idea where my black eyeshadow is or any of my eyeshadow applier thingers, so I ended up putting on pink eyeshadow with my finger...some blush so I didn't look quite so dead and um yeah...I was set...apart from shoes...I had -no- shoes to go with this 'outfit' that I'd concocted DX So I ended up wearing these ugly things from a few years ago...they served alright, not much of a heel and yeah =/

So mum and I went to the bottle shop first to get Jess's present (a bottle of Passion Pop =P ) and also something for me for the night. X3;

So I got to Jess' house around 10:30 and um yeah, entered as some guy was exiting and easily/luckily found Bronwyn almost immediatly and asked her where Jess was. Found Jess, gave her the Passion Pop and then went back up to the verandah to talk to Bec, Ella, Nerissa and Erica who I'd seen when I was going down to find Jess. By now I had my bottle of Smirndoff open and yes'm...Erica probably wasn't in the best way that I've seen her...a bit tipsy she was =P

Anyway, I then quickly found Alicia and Nikki sitting on a couch inside and went in to say hello to them and yeah...after a while we headed outside as Bronwyn and Nikki's mother were kicking us off the couch X3; So we ventured outside and had our picture taken by some person who we didn't know who really made us feel like randoms =( "Hey, I don't know you but I'm taking pictures for Jess" yeah...=/

We then went inside and Erika was on a couch sobbing a bit so I went over to comfort her, turned out that her Grandma had died on Thursday or something and she was upset over that and Ella and Bec kept saying that she was just like this 'cause she was drunk and then she turned on them saying they didn't know what it was like and um yeah...*dramadrama*

Um...bit of a blank of what happened after that...I think Nikki left and then we all went back outside again. Anyway, Bronwyn bought out marshmallows, strawberries and lollies and pot of melted chocolate and scewers...all of which equals love <3

Anyway, Alicia, Ella and me were standing around, and then these 3 guys came and started hitting on us and stuff...it was hilarious because they were all pretty drunk xD So we talked to them for a bit...apparantly I look Italian =S Anyway, we got down to the garden somehow...can't really remember...oh yeah! I was left with one of the guys who was trying to hit on me so I made an excuse that I'd better go see how Alicia was going *nods* and then I got tapped on the shoulder from behind and I could not believe who was there - JAMES THOMPSON! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! XDD!!

It was HILARIOUS! James Thompson from Primary School...oh God...it's been -forever- o_o He was just like, "Yeah, I saw you up there talking to and then I'm like, 'Is that ?' and then I followed you down here" XD It was awesome!

Anyway, we talked for a while and James was totally tripping out, he just kept saying that he couldn't believe that I was here and that I've changed so much...most likely because I sculled his Cougar...but anyway...

I felt lov-ed X3 Because Jess came up to us while I was sitting on his knee and was just like, "If you hurt her I am going to...etc. etc." and then Erika came up to us and started telling James off and threatening that he'd better not hurt me and yeah...so I felt loved X3; But yeah...we got and um...yes...it was good ^^;

Anyway um, I left around...*thinks* 12:40? Or something...it started ending then and stuff. So yeah.

And um wow...I bloggged...'mazing.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

The Urban Dictionary defines 'Emo' as...

2005-10-29T17:56:00.000+10:00

a fuck load of things that I am pissing my pants reading:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=EMO&defid=1085395#1085395

Dude...I have NEVER laughed so hard!

And also, the "I must be emo" video:

Wait...actually...I can't find it =/

Wait no! Here it is! =D

http://z1c.zvhost.com/videos/0/124477_cbccf.wmv

"I'm just a cheap immitation of goth..." XD

The Waiting Game

2005-10-28T19:21:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Some Kelly Clarkeson shit...oh wait no...it's the Veronicas *groan*
Feeling: Anxious/nervous
Weather: Twilight

Well I'm just sitting here waiting to be picked up by Aeryn and Brett...they should be here in about 40 minutes or something...so yeah...the waiting game. They were supposed to pick me up 50 minutes ago and =/

It's not that I mind or anything, it's just the impression that they'll have on my parents =/

'Cause my parents sucks schlong

And that's how it is

Adios!

The Goth-O-Matic Poetry Generator

2005-10-26T22:28:00.000+10:00

FEEL THE ANGST!

http://www.deadlounge.com/poetry/created.html

Night Ritual
Around, all around, the dark memories gather.
My dread grows as the dagger of your words falls against my naked soul.
It mutilates me, and darkly my blood drips to the wicked earth that is my prison.
In my madness I call your namewhile Death's shadow takes my hand.
Now alone, my cascade of tears falls upon cold eyes.
This is death

Flat

2005-10-26T14:56:00.000+10:00

Listening to: le radio-age
Feeling: Flat, somewhat depressed
Weather: Bluu sky

Well...you know there's something wrong with me when I decide to blog because I have nothing better to do.

I've just talked to Aeryn and because of her health, turns out that we won't be having the photoshoot with Jay this afternoon...and I'm not sure if I'm happy or sad because of this. I was a bit nervous & apprehensive over the shoot, but I -was- looking forward to seeing her again. Oh well, I guess this gives me some time to go out to Chaddy and try and find something for my costume for Friday Night...I just hope everything goes to plan.

If it does, Aeryn and I'll be meeting up Friday evening in our Halloween costumes (she's angel I'm devil) getting Boost and Dinner, going to the park, and then later going to some Halloween Partay...and then I think we're crasing at Nick's and then going out to Carmilla's on the Saturday Night because it's $4 Vodka night and UBER Cheap Entry night too X3

Now I'm getting excited.

Anywho, got back from Inters Ballarat about 1/2 an hour ago, they came equal 3rd over all and they performed really well which as retarted as it sounds, is really all that matters...

I still hold my breath during their items O-x;

And that's how it is. (Is that how I normally sign off?)

Adios!

Making A Difference

2005-10-24T01:47:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Hung Up - Madonna
Feeling: Purposful
Weather: Night

Well I've been talking to Perry, one of Aeryn's friends, over the last hour or so. Anyway, he started talking to me and um...brought up a few topics about how he thinks his ex-girlfriend is dead and then he made a random comment of 'I think I should go stab myself in the neck a few times', which basically lead onto a great big talk about suicide where I did my best to councel him and tell him that it will be alright and that losing a loved one is hard etc etc. and also talked to him about the effect of him taking his life would have on everyone he knows, as well as his girl friend is she is dead.

Anyway, I told him that he should take up a hobby or something, and I think I suggested Tae Kwon Do, and then he said he wasn't quite the type for physical activities and then I suggested that he make it his goal to lose weight. And then he suggested that he could come clean and stop it with the drugs. And so um..that's what he's decided to do. He dumped $400 worth of drugs and drug related things in the bin and is going go to a doctor to talk about reversing his metabolism so he can lose weight easier and about the whole detox thing as well.

I don't know whether his bull shitting or not...but even if he is, it makes me feel good and like I've achieved some sort of goal.

Being a youth consellor is looking better and better with each day.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Word it up Biatch

2005-10-23T11:53:00.000+10:00

Advanced
You scored 92% Beginner, 100% Intermediate, 86% Advanced, and 66% Expert!

You have an extremely good understanding of beginner, intermediate, andadvanced level commonly confused English words, getting at least 75% ofeach of these three levels' questions correct. This is an exceptional score. Remember, these are commonly confused English words, which means most people don't use them properly. You got an extremely respectable score.

Thank you so much for taking my test. I hope you enjoyed it!

For the complete Answer Key, visit my blog: http://shortredhead78.blogspot.com/.

Year 12's Final Day 2005 + Holey Cheese + Sick

2005-10-20T20:00:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Why Do You Love Me - Garbage
Feeling: Like complete and utter shit
Weather: Night

Well...I -was- going to have these all as separate bloggings, but I really can't be fucked. So anyway.

It was the year 12's final day and 'muck up day' today and yeah, ther review was alright but gradually got less and less funny.

Went to the Health Centre 1/2 an hour before the end of school to get out of VisComm, and it turns out that the Health Centre lady thinks that my 'sore throat' is actually 'strep throat'. So she rang up my Dad and told him to come pick me up ASAP...so I got out of school 15 minutes early...pointless...but anyway. She said that if I do have strep throat, I basically won't be allowed to go to school as it's contagious - yey! XD

Anyway, went home and lazed around for a bit before getting changed and going to get my retainers re-fitted. After that I made my way to Em's house to get a second set of holes pierced in my ears =)

So yeah, lots of things did go wrong GETTING there, but they're all good now.

Trammed home and shit and I have a small problem that makes it hurt when I walk...I'm hoping that I'll recover from that really soon.

Anyway

And that's how it is.

Adios!

2005-10-17T13:40:00.000+10:00

SEEYA LATER BITCHES!

Bi the way...

2005-10-16T19:44:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Listen to your heart - Kate Alexa?
Feeling: Content
Weather: Night

Well, today it's been 3 months since I first admitted to being bisexual to myself. I -was- going to make a post, but I've been putting if off because I've been meaning to draw a picture thanking those who helped me confirm this.

But due to my procrastination, that's never happened.

So I'm officially telling you all that right here and right now. I'm more than happy to admit that now to anyone who asks and I'm happy with myself and my feelings and everything =)

And um...there's not really much more to say other than a bit of back history, I guess. Um, I've had feelings for girls for um...as long as I can remember I guess, and I've never really awknowledged it or given it much thought at all. So after talking with some other bi girls, it really helped me open up and accept who I am and all that good cliched stuff. Kapeesh?

Osome

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Alive

2005-10-16T18:22:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Radio *stabs it*
Feeling: Like sleeping (seriously, my eyes are like...*close*)
Weather: Bluu sky
Today I learnt: to never underestimate etc. *cliche*

Um...well...I just talked to my parents about me loosing my retainers at Jen's last night and I am seriously SO fucking surprised at how well they took it...seriously...they didn't raise their voice or even get mad at me. And where Linda told me not to make up excuses or blame it on anyone else, that's what they sort of did, and I'm guessing that's what Linda meant when she told me that if I just own up and admit that I stuffed up, that they've got no where else to go really.

So um...yeah...that's just awesome.

In other news, my art thing's due in 2 weeks and I'm screwed for that and seriously considering moving back over to LiveJournal...yes...call me a traitor, but Aeryn and Racheal are over there...and I think alot of other people are too.

Also, the bruises that Kyle gave me on Friday night are either healing up nicely/steadily getting worse...I can't decide...I'm probably paranoid...most likely, yes.

Anyway, I will be in Ballarat tomorrow evening to Wednesday afternoon or something...but I'll write some form of blogging on paper and back post it here later or some sasquatch.

Um...I hate school.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

My Fault

2005-10-15T23:45:00.000+10:00

I know it's my fault, and as Linda said, I'm just going to have to take it all on and accept whatever they have to throw at me (literally or not).

To cut a long story short, I've lost my $200 each retainers for my teeth to keep them straight at Smorgy's for Jen's 17th tonight...needless to say is that I'm distaught and stressed and so fucking worried and scared. I honestly don't know what my parents will do or say. I'm betting that taking the internet away from me for an extended period of time will be one of the 'punishments', though I'm not sure. But if I don't blog withing the next 24 - 48 hours or so, you can bet that you won't be seeing me around here for a while.

I just feel so...so...fucking...I don't know. Because I left them in a napkin on a table and my parents AND Linda have told me numerous times to NEVER do that in case a waitor picked it up and threw it out not knowing what was in there. And I've just had the worst reputation with them lately. With all these money problems and not letting them know where I was last night and everything...I just knew all of this was building up to something - and this is what it is.

I've rung Linda tonight because I knew that would be the best course of action - to see what her advice was and to ask her what I should do - she was also annoyed at me to an extend but did offer me advice of what to do. Meanwhile, I'm just stuck with this guilt....guilt of having to spend more of their money, though Linda didn't suggest me paying for them, though Urvashi did and offered me $200 to pay for them. But I just feel so guilty, after all the money and time and appointments that they've put in to give me the teeth and the smile that I have now. To think that the thousand they put in for my teeth whitening alone is just going to go...I KNOW for a fact that my father was displeased with the whitening, and he didn't hesitate to show that to me.

I'm just scared. I don't want to be hit, I've had a fucking horrible time already trying to cover up the bruises I already have...and to be beaten again on top of that...I don't know.

I guess the only thing I can do is to follow Linda's advice.

And to let you guys know that this is the reason why you possibly won't see more for a while.

Because of my own stuipid foolish stupidity.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

An Invitation

2005-10-14T00:12:00.000+10:00

Listening to: le dreaded radio
Feeling: Tired
Weather: Night
Today I learnt: the importance of looking back

Alrighty, to whoever READS this (ie. NOT the google spammers), you will have noticed the additon of another little section up the top there *points* the, 'Today I learnt' section. Now, to those who remember...who will only be Sam, you will know that this is a section that I used to run on my Live Journal...I think...or perhaps on some of my earlier blogs...either or. But today while randomly clicking on files on my school server back up.

But anyway, got out of double french today by going to have a lie down in the health centre because 'my neck hurt'...which is actually true. Anyway, the health centre lady woke me up at the end of period 3 and I went to the library, thinking that I could work on my adoptables during lunch, BUUT I didn't realise it was only period 4, so after some dicussion with Ebony in the library, we failed to figure out what subject I had and so I just took the spare anyway. Now, Ebony is a GREAT person, she's just all around nice, really easy to approach and she's always good fun. I'm not afraid to talk to her or say 'hi' or 'bye' to her in the corridors at school, but during this period where we were sitting next to each other, she passed me a piece of paper and said something like, "Don't spread it around" or "Don't tell anyone" or something...well...it wasn't the latter, but it was along those lines. Anyway, the piece of paper is an invitation to her 17th Birthday Party on the 18th of November.

And....well...I'm not sure whether I should be happy or not, I mean, it's -very- nice of her to invite me but...it's not as if we're bosom buddies, she's a great person and all, but I just wouldn't think that she'd invite me as we're not good enough friends to just hang out as we're from different friendship groups and all. I'm tending to lean away from going for 2 reasons, the first being that it's on a Friday...and that's when everyone goes to 'the park' and the other factor is that I don't know who else is going, whether I should dicuss this, and if I do, if I'm going to feel comfortable being around them =S It only goes from 8 - 12:30...so it's not all that long at all, but after all, it IS in Endevour Hills =/ So I don't know.

Anyway, tomorrow's Friday...thank God, and it looks as though I'll be going to the park with Aeryn tomorrow night, and Jen's party on Saturday afternoon/evening...though I stiffly refuse to meet them out the front of Flinder's for reasons that are more than obvious to me ^^;

Also, I'm thinking of boycotting clothes...lately they've just been giving me the shits - anyone want to join me?

Another thing before I sign off/my computer/internet completely cacks it at me, I went up to Chaddy today to get Fiona's present, unfortunatly Jess didn't end up coming with me. But before I went, I activated my debit card, so I just HAD to find an ATM to A.) Use an ATM for the first time and B.) find out how much money I have on my Debit card. Turns out that I have $339.16...which I got a print off of course X3 Which is enough to buy a Pink 6GB iPod Mini that I've found on eBay, so I'm excited X3 It's just a matter of whether I'm 'allowed' to use the pre-existing $270 that was in my account before I started working as I think there was some talk of investing that money in stocks or some such. But as iPod Mini's are no longer in production I do see it as a bit of a race against time.

But that's how it is

Adios!

Fucking Goths!

2005-10-12T16:35:00.000+10:00

I just saw Thallium post this at the MGF and I just -had- to share.

Disappearance...?

2005-10-11T23:18:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Silence
Feeling: Contently Reflective
Weather: Night

Firstly, I should explain my mood. Aeryn/Irony just got online, and we're just sorting everything out. Turns out that she's uber stressed and she says she shouldn't have blocked me, but she's just stressed and broke up with Nick and stuff...so yeah...I can't explain it...but it's good to be in contact with her again...there's something in her...character? Well...something in her that reminds me -soooo- much of Sam...and any person or object that can take me back to those good times is a God send and something I shall cling to.

But onto business...the other day in VisComm, we were given a design brief for a project for DepressioNet.com which involved looking up depression quotes...and that few minutes the other day has affected me in a way I didn't think possible. At the moment, I'm thinking that I'm slowly slipping back into a depression much like that which I became accustomed to last year. I'm trying to ignore it and shoo it away. But given this year, I think it's inevitable and with my upcoming birthday...well...if I make it through that night without breaking into tears, it'll be a miracle. So I'm currently trying to find someone to spend that night with so that I don't do anything 'stupid'.

See, I'm taking steps and pre-cautions, but I can't gauruntee anything. I'm thinking a disappearance from blogging, Neopets and so on and so fouth is coming, so this is just a warning to everyone who has some feeling of affection for me. Apparantly called 'caring', but this is a concept that I'm not familiar with. Anyway, I've since forgotten what I was going to say.

But I'll try and stay in contact, but just a warning to all, whenever around me - you're treading through eggshells.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Block-ed

2005-10-11T01:33:00.000+10:00

Listening to: FUCKING RADIO
Feeling: Upset, rejected, confused, angry
Weather: Night

Wow...the radio's really beginning to give me the shits...I can't be stuffed listening to any of my own music, so I've been listening to the radio...but it's just SOOO horribly repetitive...always playing the SAME songs...and they all SOUND the same too....ugh!

Anyway, I've just discovered that Aeryn's blocked me on MSN...for what reason I really don't know...all I know now is that I'm hurt...and that I wish that I'd listened to more of Sam's philosophising on the ethics of blocking people on MSN a bit more...because I could really do with some wise words now.

Actually...I'm going to have to find a public phone somewhere and call her sometime...just to touch base. I can't really remember the last time I talked to her, but I have a terrible feeling that we ended on bad terms =S But as I said, I can't really remember any exact dates or details or what happened.

But getting back to this current situation...I just don't GET it...what have I done?! Sure, I know I get annoying at times, but...is saying, 'Nikki, shut the fuck up' morally wrong now...somehow? I don't know...I just feel hurt and like I've purposly been excluded and left out...I was talking with Geoff before...I have NO fucking idea why I'm even bothering to give this whole scene a try. It's a waste of time because I'm so fucking useless. Apparantly I looked like a 'teenie'...and no one told me before now?!

Well I've just gone and ruined whatever image I had an have no hope of repairing and it...it's just TOO hard!

FUCK

I just...it's just...I don't even know why I'm even bothering...it hurts...this hurts...I can't help remember some of the things that Beanarts said to me when I first joined the MGF...something like it's great me being new and all but just not to be a poser or a try hard or anything but...how can I NOT try to do my best at something that is next to foreign to me and I'm getting no help with?!

Ok, yes, it was good that Geoff was honest with me...but it did hurt...one of the first things he said to me "I'm sorry, but...baby pink? And that hat?". Yes, it hurts, but so many things do. I actually really like my hat and I think someone else complimented me on that...unless they were just mocking me - it really wouldn't surprise me. But then he went on to make points about me being at a PRIVATE and ALL GIRLS school and...SERIOUSLY. I can NOT help it if my PARENTS put me on a waiting list for a Private Girl's school since I was 6...I REALLY can't, it' just beyond my controll - I can't HELP that. If I COULD change it, I WOULD , but I CAN'T so fuck off.

No...Geoff's a good guy...I think...I don't know what to think of him...I think he was trying to hit on me...calling me a 'teenie' but then saying that teenies 'were his thing' or something -_-; That guy makes NO sense...I don't get it...I don't get any of this. I don't even know why I'm even trying.

I just feel all alone...like anyone who WAS there has just gone and deserted me.

It won't be the first time.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Proof

2005-10-10T01:09:00.000+10:00

Hey look! Proof that I AM screwed up!

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid Personality Disorder:	High
Schizoid Personality Disorder:	High
Schizotypal Personality Disorder:	High
Antisocial Personality Disorder:	High
Borderline Personality Disorder:	Very High
Histrionic Personality Disorder:	High
Narcissistic Personality Disorder:	High
Avoidant Personality Disorder:	Very High
Dependent Personality Disorder:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder:	High
-- Take the Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Info --

Shit

Mew

2005-10-10T00:30:00.000+10:00

Listening to: -
Feeling: Confused, bitter, alone, friendless
Weather: Night

Mew...

It seems to be the only thing I can say...over the last two days anyway.

Y'know...I really hate blogging now...it's beginning to become somewhat of a chore and I really do dislike holding open a door to...well...myself. I'm thinking that making myself a new blog away from the google spammers and everyone would be a really good idea...but mew. We all know I won't do that because it'd kill me.

I can't believe that I've done nothing for these last two days. I've just felt so alone. I don't know why. I've been practically cling to my phone hoping that any minute, any second a TXT message would come through, or my ring tone would go off, signifying that SOMEONE...-anyone- in the world wants to talk to me. But no such luck. People caring about me? PAH! The very concept is laughable.

I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. I don't know what I'm doing here or why I'm here. I'm confused and caught between so many places. But I've got no one to cling onto...well...no one I know I can cling onto without them thinking ill-ly of me. I just know no matter how hard I try, I'm always going to end up being an annoying little shit. And why am I annoying? 'Cause I'm bored. Why am I bored? 'Cause I have no friends. Why do I have no friends? Because I'm an annoying little shit.

See! The circle just goes on and on.

Cici made a very valid point to me the other day. And there is NOTHING I like better than people cristising me - I wholy and fully encourage and support it. But anyway, Cici told me that this was all my fault...now...hold on, it isn't really, but it might as well be. My fault for not having any friends anyway. But I've learnt my lesson.

I've learnt that in your darkest hour, no one will EVER be there to pull you back out and give you a hug. So there's really no point in having any friends then. I've learnt/am learning to survive it on my own as I guess I really can't count on anyone any more...it's sad. I just know whenever I try to reach out I'm going to end up being someone else's burden and annoyance.

No matter how hard -anyone- tries to hide something from me - I can see it, I can see right through the act. I know when to back off and I know when I'm not wanted...which is...all the time.

Gee...being under 18 has never sucked more...I don't know...I just don't want to be here. My birthday doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore...it'll just be making it through that night. I practically -am- 17 as I've just been introducing myself as that lately....so I guess that doesn't freak me out as much anymore...but what does, is my movements as an artist. What have I done? Nothing. Shit all. I will NEVER achieve the fame I once dreamed of...it's just impossible now. I consider myself lucky to create a new piece every month. And my devART account has never shitted me more. And I have no idea why I've taken to listening to the radio lately as opposed to my own music on limewire....might be because my speakers have shitted up. Or it might just be because the radio makes me feel in touch with someone...something...even if it is just an electronic box telling me to buy something.

Y'know what I also hate? When I KNOW I'm purposly being left out. I asked Lee-Ann what she did during the holidays the other day...she said nothing and said she didn't even go to see a movie and that she just studied all holidays...LIES!

All of it. I know she nor anyone else wants to be with me. And it's the fucking truth. I have a TERRIBLE personality and I can NOT keep in contact with people because I'm scared of introducing them to the 'annoying' side of me because I know that lately I've become very physically dependant on others.

I just need a hug.

I think that's what I'll do...tomorrow...I'll go hug Sarah and make up some reason why. I know she's a really nice person and she seemed more than eager to give me a hug last Friday...it was a really good hug too...but anyway.

I can't help but look forward to Friday even more after this bomb of a week-end...I'm supposed to be going to the park with Aeryn again...? I have no idea if that'll happen again...most likely not as she'll find some excuse like everyone else to exclude me - it ALWAYS happens.

Why do I have to be the one cursed with an un-loveable personality?

Why did I have to be the one given the most unloving, one-sided family?

I just want out of here.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Sorting it Out

2005-10-08T14:04:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Radio ads
Feeling: Tired and insistent
Weather: Bluuu sky with white poofy clouds n_n

Well...I don't know if I blogged about this or not, but since the Formal, Cici hasn't been talking to me and since a chat on MSN with Jen, I've been convinced that she -wants- to talk to me.

So, on MSN just now, I IMed her saying, "Cici, I really want to talk to you and sort this thing out". Why? Because I have no idea what was happening or what caused it. And apparantly she thought that -I- wasn't talking to her X3 So it's all just a big mis-understanding, so it's all good now =)

But now she's trying to talk to me about the big...um...Bron & Morna thinger...I find it amusing that no one's actually picked up that I havn't talked to Steph either =P

But anyway, Cici's being really caring and understanding and like anyone else, I guess, just wants answers...but I don't have them. I can't apologise now for 2 reasons.
1.) I'm not sorry
2.) You can't just 'start' talking to someone again after not having talked to them for 1 1/2 years.

If she'd just understand that...but how do I say that without sounding like a heartless bitch? Only one other person alive knows the truth of why I won't talk to them, and I'm not about to explain my reasons to anyone else. I have a right to my own privacy and peace of mind. So at the moment, the reason I'm giving everyone is...well...I don't think I'm giving anyone a reason. If only they'd all just forget it and move on.

Why is everyone living in the past?

I'm quite happy with where I am and my relationships with everyone. So...why can't everyone just accept that and the fact that things are going to stay like this and they're not about to change?

But that's how it is.

Adios!

A Solo Experience

2005-10-06T20:36:00.000+10:00

Listening to: *le peace*
Feeling: *le relaxedness*
Weather: *la nuit*

...*YEY!* XD

Um anyway...enough astericks or everyone will think Ei's hi-jacked my account.

Anyway, today's been rushrushrush.

I had bludge period one and two...period one we had 'Personnal Development' where we got talked to about STI's...yey? And period 2 was assembly, and then I was SUPPOSED to have double maths, but first period I had a meeting with Ms. James, and then I left to go up to Ballarat for Junior's Ballarat.

Anyway, got up there and stuff which I will say I'll blog about later but won't, and then we came back 2 hours later so I could perform my Drama Solo for the 'Drama Solo Night' in front of everyone's friends and family and teachers and stuff.

So anyway, I got there and figured I had about 20 - 30 minutes to rehearse before I went in to watch one of the solos and perform my own. But anyway, to get to ANYWHERE I had to walk past the Drama hall where they were all being performed, and seeing the curtains were open, whoever was perform would've been able to see me and I didn't want to disrupt anyone, so I had to go back and forth about 3 times for toilet, hair tie and one of my props. -_-; Which left me with less than 7 minutes to rehearse my solo...and our time limit is 7 minutes so I didn't have time to finish it all so I heard the clap for Liv's performance and went in so that I could watch Gigi's and relax a bit...sort of...

So anyway, Gigi's finished and it was my turn to perform, needless to say I was a bit more nervous than I thought I would've been, so I got up and introduced myself and my Solo as well as the symbolism with the balloon involved as well. Suu I set up and I began and 6 minutes and 50 seconds later, I concluded and was actually quite happy with my performance as was Ms. James too. She handed me the crit sheet that she'd written during my performance practically everything were just small suggestions like tieing my hair back, using a scroll instead of what I had as the 'Romeo and Juliet' script and yeah...so it was really good and Ms. James was really happy with it too.

And yeah...I'll be happy if I perform like that tomorrow afternoon.

Wish me luck for my external solo assesment!

And that's how it is.

Adios

Numa numa iei

2005-10-04T22:02:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Dragonstea Din Tei - O-Zone
Feeling: Addicted & Arty
Weather: Night

Addicted & Arty....Arty & Addicted...

I like it...I really do...I just need to think of something to call that...if I ever move away from this blog, "WDP", I think I'll call my new blog 'Arty&Addicted'...OR SOMETHING! I just really like it for some reason...the 2 words just fit together so perfectly...hand in hand. And it explains me perfectly =P

Anywho...I'm really addicted to this song...actually to the extent where I think it's lost it's meaning...but it was good while it lasted. I'm never going to forget Maurie now...there's just so much comfort knowing and being around someone you can just sit on and rest your head on and hug for no apparant reason...oh! And get drunk with! <3

But anyway, had my 5 hour shift at Dairy Bell today...and it was really good 'cause all the girl's on the same shift as me were all around my age...of course I was the youngest as always -_-; 2nd youngest was Hayley who turned 17 in February, and then there was Lexie who turned 18 in March and....oh...I've forgotten her name >( But she couldn't have been more than 19...but I have been known to be horrible at guessing names ^^; And she was our 'Senior' for the shift, and apparantly she's the best senior 'cause she let's us get away with next to anything as long as we work ^^

Anyway, had double Drama today and my Solo's going alright I've figured. I just need to get feedback from Ms. James tomorrow and perhaps work on it a bit tonight (yeah right). And I also need to have a stronger ending...but yeah...it shalt be worked on.

Oh! Also at work today, I accidently did an over ring of $3 005 n_n;;; Since Lexie was the only one on with me at the time, neither of us could stop lauging XD;;; Thank God for the "Trainee" badge.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Small Steps

2005-10-03T21:28:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Dragostea Din Tei - O-zone
Feeling: Somewhat relieved
Weather: Night

Well...I'm happy to say that I did stick to my word and did get some homework done today before I go back to school tomorrow.

I've got my costume for Drama figured out, tried to do my VisComm before discovering that I've lost some key pieces to it =X And I'm going to do my French in a bit...all I need to do now is run through my Drama and time it in costume...shouldn't take too long but I'm still procrastinating from doing it unfortunatly.

Anyway...school tomorrow and then work after that! Yay! *dances*

I also have some conflicts for what I'm doing on Friday night (It's been a while since that's happened). Irony had invited me out to Dream...which is a gothic night club (she's going to try and get me in). But, Friday's also when my Unit 3/4 class have our Solo Assesment...well...we have the assessment in the afternoon, so we agreed that we were all going to get pissed that night...so I'm not sure what I'm doing. I know I would REALLY prefer to go with Irony...but we've had this decided for a while - hopefully I can do both?

I don't even know if we'll get to Dream, at the very least I want to go to the park again...I just had too much of a good time :D

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Party No. 3: Raspberry Vodka Owns (Dylan's 18th)

2005-10-02T23:47:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Dragostea Din Tei - O-Zone (On Repeat)
Feeling: Lonely/Out of it
Weather: Night

Before I start, I just need to say something to anyone who's reading this - you HAVE to download this song, it's also known as the 'Numa Numa Dance' or 'Numa Numa Song'. Now, why am I telling you this? Because it's a FUCKING good song and it was also what I'm going to call the 'theme music' for this Party X3

Party No. 2: Gothic Outings (Gathering + Alcohol + Birthdays)

2005-10-01T12:13:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Vacuum Cleaner -_-;
Feeling: Hungover
Weather: Clear sunny day! Yay!

Wow...last night was...well...in 2 words it was 'fucking awesome', but if I'm given a few more, I shall explain.

Otay, so there was supposed to be a MGF meet up that Burlesque (Rachel) organised...well...just me and Irony showed up, but it was good. Anyway, I told my mum that Jen and I were going in to the city to go catch a movie at Crown or something...truth is, Jen never came as she was just an alibi *nods* As I was actually going this Gawthick meet up thinger and all. So anyway, I get to the place where we were all supposed to meet around 5:30ish...and no one was there...actually...there were TONNES of people there, but no one of the 'kind' of people I was looking for n_n;

Anyway, in the process of waiting, I saw Jen's mum! So I ran for the hills. Well...not really...I hid under my hat and made an exaggerated effort to stay away from her. So I went and checked the Swanston Street exit of Flinder's just to make sure everyone hadn't gotten confused...nope. So I made my way back to the Elizabeth Street exit, and around 6-ish these 2 gothic-y people turn up, and one of them looked around my age, which is how old Rachel is (minus 2 months of course =P) so I knew it was her...but I'm shy so I didn't say anything =P But then...this...bum? came up and stood between Rachel and her friend and me and was just ranting on about us being 'depressed' and how we should 'cheer up' because 'we have the rest of our lives ahead of us' and so I'm just like, "Otay...get away from me..." but then Rachel's friend's like, "Hey, does your name start with S?" and I said, "Yeah, Siera" and asked if Rachel wsa Burlesque, she said yes and so we left to cross Flinder's Street and get away from the bum n_n;

Anyway, we went to some pizza place and got some pizza while dragging along 2 friends of Geoff's...and Geoff is the guy that was with Rachel and it turned out that we'd been talking on MSN before, so it was all good =3 So after these 2 friends of his left and stuff, I realised my phone was ringing, so I picked it up already knowing that it was Irony as she'd rung me while I was on the train letting me know that she'd still be an hour away. She said she was at the Flinder's clocks, so we made our way over there to go and pick her up.

And I'm being summoned and I shall finish this later X3

And I am now completing it X3 Anyway, we went over to the clocks and there was this chick waiting there, red hair in pony tails and for some reason I just knew that that was Irony...don't ask me how. I just knew. So I said hi to her and introduced myself, and Geoff and Rachel had got caught up talking to some other people but they came over and said hello and then I think we all went over to say hello to the other bunch of gothic-y people...of course none of which I knew, but between them, Irony, Rachel & Geoff seemed to know a fair few of them...so I just sort of clung to Rachel or Irony, whoever wasn't caught up in talking to people. And then this CRAZY guy came bursting through the gates of Flinder's Station and he looked -so- much like Marilyn Manson and had...quite alot of nose and lip piercings X3 So anyway, Irony told told me that his name was Luke and that he was -the- craziest person ever X3 Oh, and Rachel also told me that the she dated the guy with the mohawk that I've seen around and that she really didn't want to talk to him.

So after a bit of this milling around and people meeting & greating and all, the little group of me, Irony, Rachel and Geoff broke off and decided to go off to Boost and whoever wanted to follow could...well...no one did ^_^; But we did go to get Boost at South Bank much to my pleasure. And Irony got a Boost too and also allowed me to get another stamp on my card - yay! =D

So yeah, we walked back to Flinder's making talk and stuff. So, once back at Flinder's there was more talk and stuff to other people that I didn't know, but they looked my age and I couldn't help but feel them looking at me and almost saying "What the fuck do you think you're doing here?"...only...without verbally saying that...so after a bit, some of us decided to go to the Old Melbourne Gaol for god knows what reason, so myself, Irony, Rachel, Geoff, and 3 other people, 'Kat', what I figured to be her boyfriend, 'Rob' and some other guy 'Sean' who looked suspiciously like the guy with the blonde pony tail that I mentioned in my last post...anyway...after a REALLY bumpy tram ride there that reminded me of the Party Bus to my formal and almost falling on Irony a few times much to Kat's amusement -_-; we got to our stop...Kat also made fun of my pinkness >(

Anyway, we walked a bit and ended up going into the Gaol Courtyard as there were a stack of people lined up to go into the Gaol...so yeah, we ended up sitting in this weird balcony coutyard place watching this 'piece of art' which involved a projecter onto a piece of material with a brick wall + bars in front of it. After a bit, everyone but Irony, me, Sean, Kat and Robert decided to go and get some other people or something. And after a bit of small talk and Kat lighting lighter fluid, we sort of semi got kicked out of the Court Yard and decided to walk back to outside the Cathedral to wait for the others to come back. But after a phonecall made by Kat, it was discovered that they weren't going back and had all gone to the park, so we decided to follow and found a tram stop and waited. Unfortunatly, just as we were getting off, my phone and some other stuff fell out of my back pack and I bent down to pick it up when some...bum or something claimed that it was HIS phone that I'd just picked up, and by the time I DID confirm that it was my phone, the doors of the tram were just closing and Sean and I didn't get on board. So all we could do was stand there, curse the bum and wait for the next tram which was in 2 minutes time >(

Anyway, Sean and I hoped on that tram and made some small talk; and yes I did tell him that he looked like the guy that I'd met the night before X3; Yeah...asking people if they have a twin sure is a good way to creep them out ('cause Tom from last night said that he did have a twin).

Anyway, we got to the stop outside Flinder's Street to find Irony, Kat and Rob, but as I was getting off Irony said that we were keeping on going to the park and I nodded and said yeah, but we needed to go to the toilet too which she agreed to. And there was also this guy there on the tram who seemed to know Irony and made these 'jokes' about being Jewish =S

But we go to our stop and Irony and I ran across the traffic to get to the Art's Centre where we figured there'd be toilets that we could use, and there was, we just weren't "Allowed to go any further" because Oklahoma was on or something like that. Anyway, we crossed back over the road trying to not to get hit by car and horse alike X3 Anyway, we met back up with Sean there and said hello to 2 other girls and apparantly Irony had complimented one of them some other day about her leg warmers so yeah X3 Anyway, apparantly Sean and Irony then decided that we were going to go to the Bottle Shop to get some...well...y'know, and one of the two girls came with us...I never did quite catch her name =S Anyway...we walked something like 3 blocks to get to the bottle shop, and as much as I despise trams, I really didn't see why we couldn't have taken one DX;

Anyway, we got to the Bottle Shop and then I realised I hadn't given him money for anything, so I rushed in to give him something and insisted I give him the money outside as to not look suss, anyway, then I caught back up with Irony and the other girl, and there was another girl hanging around them and after she left I asked Irony who that was and Irony said she had no idea and had just asked what letter her name started with =S Anyway, we then decided to go into a...material store of some sorts to see if they had any fishnet material - they didn't.

Anyway, we left and met back up with Sean who had his hands quite full the...um...bottles and cans and stuff n-n; But he insisted that he carry it all...so we walked ALL the way back. Anyway, we finally got to the park and I don't think I have -EVER- clinged to someone so much...I swear...I must've freaked Irony out so much...but really, I was quite scared. So I put my bag down next to a tree that was on 'the hill' along with Irony's and she pointed a guy out to me and told me to watch out for him because he was a pedophile or something. Anyway, we went to say hello to someone, and then Irony pointed out some people to me who were coming towards the group and told me that they were the Christian Workers who bought hot food and drinks every week. So I picked up a toasted sandwich and sat down with Irony I think.

And so I was sitting with Irony, Luke I think...some guy and his older sister Lisa who was 18 and really didn't look it...but anyway, there was some talk and Irony went off to learn how to do the fire thingy that some others were doing, and I was talking with one of the Workers and she was interested in my schooling and stuff so yeah...um...I can't really remember when she left...but anyway. A little while later, I think there was some joke that the guy um...I've forgotten his name actually...but he was saying something about if I poked my tongue out again he was going to bite it...well...I did...and he then bit it...and it kind of grew into something else from there n_n;;;

Anyway, you can use your imagination for that bit and whatever happened afterwards as due to the effects of what I was consuming, I can't really remember much after that. But Irony's told me that nothing much more did happen. And yeah...I was feeling sick and laid down for a bit and Luke laid down with me I think...and I think it was getting late so I went home and I think someone walked me to the station...? Irony and someone...?

Anyway, I've also heard back from Rachel (Burlesque) who said that later on some of the kids in the park got busted for drinking underage so it's a good thing that I did go home early as I don't know what in the world I had've done if my parents found out that I:
A.) Was in a park at night
B.) With alot of people that 'I didn't know'
C.) Was drinking
D.) Had someone else buy the alcohol for me
E.) Got caught

I think they'd explode...fuck I can't wait to be 18. Irony's also invited me to go to Dream this Friday I think...I dunno though...I REALLY don't want to get caught out...perhaps I should take things a bit slower? Anyway, I somehow need to get my parents to meet Irony so that they know how much of a nice and responsible person she is and they can trust me with her *nods*

Anyway...despite all of that and the TXT message that I send Samandawx, it really was just a really great night...and I also need to find out if there was stuff said about my 'babygoth-ism'...'cause I -really- need to get help dressing and stuff so I blend in more or something =S

But yeah...it was just great and I had a good time despite the unexplained scratch on my thigh, bruise on my calf and cut on my thumb =S

But that's how it is.

Adios!

Nerves

2005-09-30T16:55:00.000+10:00

Listening to: OH I HAVE A LOVELY BUNCH OF COCONUTS!
Feeling: Really nervous with butterflies =(
Weather: Overcast =S

Right, I'm just about to get ready to go to the meet up with Irony and Burlesque from the Melbourne Goth Forum...and I am a STACK of nerves..seriously...I'm just so nervous that it's ridiculous...and what's even worse is that I've finished off all of my alcohol so I have nothing to relax me up =(

Not even anyone to give me a massage =(

Well...we'll see how it goes.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Party No. 1: Crazy Outting Night (Urvashi's 17th)

2005-09-29T23:07:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Wake Me Up When September Ends - Greenday
Feeling: Content & Reflective
Weather: Night

Well, I got back from work today and mum told me that Jen had rang and said I need to call her back. So I jumped onto the phone and called Jen back and squeed a bit about having a job, and then, Jen told me that Urvashi's 17th Birthday Party was on that night and that I was invited. So then I was excited *nods* 'Cause I havn't seen Urvashi for a bit and she's awesome fun X3 So I asked for details of where and stuff, and found out it was like one of Jen and I's City Escapades...only not...We were to meet up at the Clock at Melbourne Central and we were going to go catch a movie and something. So I organised to meet Jen up on the trains and stuff. So, after some confusion I organised to meet Jen on Glen Iris Station at 4:30 so we could get to Melbourne Central by 5 and hopefully also get Boost.

Anyway, while I'm getting ready, I TXT Jen to tell her that there'll be a train that stops at Glen Iris at 4:25 so to catch that and I'll be on it as Glen Iris is 2 stops after my station (Glen Iris). Anyway, it's around 4:10 and I began thinking that I should probably be going around about now so that I make sure I'm early and everything. So, I yell out to the house, and neither my mother or father answer, so I jump onto the phone and call Mum's mobile - no anwer. Dad's mobile - answer. So I practically yell, "WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!" minus the profanities. He says that he's at Fancy Fabs with Mum...and...Fancy Fabs is...well, at least 20 minutes away. So I slam down the phone and race to my room and grab my leather back pack, stuff the remaining things I had to pack into it and dash down to mes parent's room and grab a $50 note from Dad's drawer and race out of the house, power walking down the bike path to East Malvern station as I am absolutly PARANOID about missing trains...it just shits me. Anyway, alone the last 200m of the bike path to the train station I break out into a job which turned into a run, ran into the little...place at the station where you get tickets, slammed the $50 on the bench and practically screamed "Zone 1 Daily Concession" to the little guy there...and he took his time counting the change back to me as well, as the ticket I asked for only cost $3 or something...anyway. Got onto the station and splammed the button that told you when the next train came - I had 5 minutes to spare.

Still pretty pissed about it too...but meh, I'll survive.

So after all that waiting, I got on the train which I prayed to be the right one, arrived at Glen Iris station and yelled out Jen's name, and after a second or two of confusion as to her where abouts, she came jogging onto my train carriage in...heels? Yeah...I think the first point I made to her was the fact that she was wearing heels and was all dressed up...which I didn't stop tormenting her about X3 Anyway, on the train ride...I made another point about her wearing a jacket that made her look 'dressed up' and she replied that she was cold in which I replied, "I've been working in an ice cream shop all day - don't you dare tell me what cold is!" and then some guy on the train asked if I worked at Dairy Bell which I of course replied yes to, and his son or grandson works in the factory part of the Dairy Bell place so it turned out...yeah...Small world X3

Anywho, we got to Flinder's Street Station which has now become a somewhat 2nd home to me now n_n; Anywho, we had about 10 minutes to spare before the train headed out to Melbourne Central Station, so I INSISTED that we had to go and get Boost. Which we did...but...we went down a different underground tunnel than I normally do as I thought that it would save time...well...the tunnel turned out to go under a whole BLOCK of buildings and ended up in Flinder's Lane somewhere...so after a bit of street smart navigation on my behalf, I found our way back to Flinder's Street, where we got Boost from the Boost that's practically INBUILT to Flinder's Street Station and yes...Jen was mildly pissed that we'd walked ALL that way for something that was SO close to the station. Anyway, I ordered my Boost and we set out to at the proper underground thing to get back to our Platform, jumped on our train and a few seconds later, it left X3 Is that good timing or what?!

Well...Jen wasn't as impressed as I was n_n;

Anyway, we got to Melbourne Central Station and quickly made our way to the clock as we thought we were going to late, anyway, we looked around and I couldn't see Urvashi, but after a few moments this guy and girl came up to Jen and said hello and Jen introduced me to them, and the girl introduced the guy with her to Jen and I. The girl's name was Catherine and the guy was...oh damn...I've forgotten...crap...but he was tall-ish and had long blonde hair pulled back into a pony tail and his hair was REALLY silky...so I discovered a bit later anyway n_n; And I almost instantly picked up that Catherine had an accent where she then explained to me that she had lived in West Africa for a bit, and also replied that I too had an accent - I blinked and laughed...and then asked if she was serious...which she was n_n; And said that I sounded like I was from Greenland or something odd like that and asked where I was from...the first time that question was to be asked many times during the night...so apparantly I sound like I have some weird accent. But I told Catherine that I'm all Australian and my background's actually quite boring 'cause I have no other cultures in me and stuff - I don't think anyone believed me...so yeah, no one else was there yet, so we went to have a look in 'The Irish Shop' where I tried on some funny hats and stuff. Anyway, after a bit we saw Urvashi up and the clock with Mono and went to...see them and yeah.

So yes, I -finally- got to meet Mono who is Jen's boyfriend, and got to say hi and Happy Birthday to Urvashi. And quickly after that, another girl came who I discovered was named 'Shim'...which I think is a really nice name...there was also another guy there with a skate board, 'Danny' if my memory serves me correctly which it probably won't. Anyway, and after a bit more, 2 other girls showed up, one almost immediatly asking 'Are you Catherine's exchange student?' as soon as she saw me...needless to say I wasn't too enthusiastic at being called an exchange student xD; Yeah...baby goth exchange students! Yey! XD

Anyway, fuck...I've forgotten their names...I think the one who called me an exchange student's name was 'Amira'...and I've REALLY forgotten the others...crap -_-; I suck schlong at names. Anyway, after a bit of small talk and me being picked out as the 'funny one' and screaming at Urvashi not to go on Danny's skate board 'cause she was going to die...I also pointed out the fact that Urvashi too was wearing heels and also a black halter neck dress that she had jeans underneath...I found it quite amusing anyway X3

Anyway, we exited Melbourne Central and went to go catch a tram down to Flinder's and ultimatly Crown. But, in the process, Urvashi tried to take one of my fishnet gloves/arm warmers off me which resulted in me screaming something along the lines of "AH! HELP ME! I'M BEING MOLSTED! AH! HELP! I'M BEING RAPED!" in the middle of the street...needless to say a few heads turned, especially when I stated/shouted that I felt naked without my fishnet glove on ^^;

Ah well, I'm an extraverted introvert - so sue me XP Oh! Also Sammy! How about if I come over to Canadia in the summer? ^_^;

Anyway, back on track, we got onto our tram where I yoinked a seat and had Amira sit on me and t'was good. And...this is where EVERYONE'S facination with my new hat began -_-; It started with someone pulling at the black bow on it and discovering that the bow wasn't 'a fake one' and could actually be tied and un-tied -_-; But someone did it up for me, so it was good n_n

Anyway, we got to our stop and walked around the FRONT of Flinder's much to my irkitation and began our long walk to the Crown Towers...needless to say there was A FUCKING LOAD of Nikki craziness and paranoia of the 2 guys there trying to steal my had as Danny had gone to some University thing...so yes...Nikki t'is less than impressed u_u; I also started walking backwards so I could keep my eye on Mono who was REALLY trying to steal my hat; but that came to a sad end when I fell onto someone and screamed waking up whoever was asleep at suck an early hour XD;

Well, after what seemed like forever, we finally got to Crown and after what was possibly the most intelligent thing I said all evening...we went to the information desk to get help on how to get to the Cinemas. Well...we eventually got there and decided not to see a movie as either A.) the movie was crap or B.) the time we had to wait for the next session of a movie just wasn't worth it. So after a toilet break and ALOT of my disappointment of the giant male gold statues not having any genitals, we decided to go somewhere else for dinner...well...we go to a Tram stop and after more Nikki poking and teasing (the guy with the blonde pony tail decided it was fun to poke my nose -_-;) our tram finally came and we all clambered aboard, and were quickly pounced on by ticket inspectors O-x;

We got off near Spencer Street Station, and as it's being revamped, after my line of, "How about we ask for directions?" regarding how to get to what platform we needed, we were off through the half built body of the Station...but...when we go to the escalator going down onto our platform SOMEONE succesfully stole my hat from me, which started one of those HORRIBLE 'piggy in the middle' games which I hate with a passion...of course this game was mainly between Mono, Urvashi and the guy with the blonde pony tail and continues down the escalator and onto the platform which resulted in me wrestling the guy with the blonde piggy tail and kicking his groin in order to get my hat back. Needless to say I was less than impressed and rather quiet on the train ride 'cause one thing I'd forgotten about my hyper-ness is that there's ALWAYS a downfall after that. So I was quiet on the train, not having much to say as Jen, Mono, Urvashi and the guy with the blonde pony tail who I am now going to refer to as 'Tom' as I'm getting sick of typing out 'The guy with the blonde pony tail'...so yeah, they all went off into another carriage as we'd been blessed to get one of the new NEW trains that had the consitina joining things. So yeah, conversation striked up though once I took out my phone and began using it as a mirror to adjust my hair and hat...but that was good =)

I'm glad I did get back to hyperness as I really hate being seen as weak...and allowing people to see me 'all quiet like' and 'low' after one of my hyper moods just isn't something I allow too easily. Anyway, we got to Flinder's Street Station and Urvashi made a comment about me being so quiet; I replied with a joke about my hat having my voice in it. Anyway, we got past the ticket barriers and were standing around in the Flinder's lobby...yes...with the Flinder's goths looking on...I could just -feel- myself being watched and I REALLY wanted to get out of there as soon as possible...unfortunatly, Shim had a problem with her ticket -_-; Anyway, we eventually got out of there and made our way down Swanstone Street, dropping in at Hungry Jacks for some of us to get food...and I think then Me, Urvashi, Tom, Amira and the other girl went off to get some other food. But as we were exiting Hungry Jack's, Mono grabbed my hat AGAIN which with a kick to the crotch, I recovered quickly and planted it back on my head - and yes, I was quite impressed with my 1337 hat revocery skills =P

So yeah, we ended up getting $1 slices of pizza, and also some Sushi and made our way back to the upstaires eating area of Hungry Jack's where I took off my had and put it under my arm 'cause I didn't want anyone to swipe it while I was eating sushi. Anyway, Danny had joined us again and it turned out that he was Amira's boy friend, so I sad with them on a bench but lost my seat when I got up to go put my sushi bag in the bin, I then grabbed a seat to sit on, to which Mono decided that chucking french fries at me would be fun. Needless to say that I was again less than impressed when one landed in my somewhat existent cleavage -_____-;

Pfft. I REALLY do not like this guy and I don't get what Jen sees in him if he can't even respect her friends - I'll need to talk to her about that.

Anyway...after singing happy birthday to Urvashi, more chip throwing to everyone...but mostly me, Urvashi and I getting up and dancing on a table for some reason, and everyone painting their nails black, we left to go...I have no idea where we were going to go actually. But we walked down to just outside the Flinder's steps where Urvashi started having a talk with Tom and told the rest of us to go on ahead...well...after waiting for a bit, I went to see what was up and was told that they'd be there in a bit. So, after me and the other girl racing across the road while the man was green, we all went back to see what as up and Amira ended up talking with Urvashi and Tom now and the rest of us were told to keep walking...so we did...until we ended up stopping in the middle of the bridge over the Yarra River...just talking and stuff...I guess...but I didn't go near the edge as Danny and Mono kept making jokes about throwing me and/or my hat over into the water...I know it's stupid of me to think that they would...but...I don't know...I just didn't feel comfortable.

So yeah, I think I somehow made a comment about me actually being very introverted (which is true) - I think Danny almost burst a lung laughing and impersonating me by prancing around shouting some of my catch phrases such as 'You suck schlong' and so on and so fourth. But he did say something very flattering about me having a great personality and having no reason to hide it which was -very- sweet of him. Anyway, we soon saw Urvashi, Amira and Tom on the other side of the road walking so we decided to walk along and cross the road to catch up to them. We ended up going into some park which had a VERY steep ramp leading into it and Danny insisted on skateboarding down it, against my protests of, "OH MY GOD YOU'RE GOING TO KILL YOURSELF!" and when we did meet back up with him, I think someone said that I was worried about him or something, which I think is when he grew a liking to me. Anyway, not so long after we all sat down, Urvashi said that she wanted to talk to Shim in private, so they went over there and started talking...and eventually everyone else got called over there too...everyone but me, Jen and Mono...and then Jen and Mono got called over... so they started walking towards the group and then Jen yelled out, "What about Nikki?!" or something and beconed me to come along...which there was NO WAY I was about to do.

If there's anything I do, it's invite myself into situations where I know I'm not welcome. I swear to...ANYONE. I will never do that as it's something that goes against my will.

So after sitting there fiddling with my phone for a bit, Catherine came over to me and said for me to come over to the group, instead we went for a short walk around a side of the oval in the park where I told her...well...stuff about me 'cause she asked me to tell her about me...which I did...I probably also said alot more than I should've =X

Also, when we got to the lamp post which as our goal to walk to, Urvashi called out to Catherine to come back and 'not get raped', she then told Urvashi we wouldn't go much further and would be back in a bit. So yeah...as we got back closer to the group, Mono met with us and I think Catherine told him that we'd be there in a sec and...well...I didn't want him of ALL people to see me being um...I unno...talking about myself?

Oh! Also! While in the park, soon after we got there, Mono stole my hat again and made off with it running around the park - there was no way I could catch him...well...there was...but there wasn't anyway that I was about to embarass myself or play such childish games. So I walked back to where everyone was sitting and sat down pretending that I was interested in the card that that girl was writing in. After a bit Mono began dangling my hat in front of my face. And I'm SO glad that I grabbed it with success. And also when Jen, Mono and myself were alone, I was doing some sort of Irish dancing for God knows what reason, and Mono said things like 'Down in front' and also threatened to throw a rock at me as well as hit me with a skate board -_-;

I REALLY need to talk to Jen about him as I am less than impressed at being threatened in such ways, even if they are playful, by a guy that I'd only just met.

So yeah, Catherine and I got back to the group and I was...well...I discovered that they'd had a few Bacardi Breezers between them - was Urvashi's reason for not inviting me to that group because she didn't want me to drink the alcohol? Or had I spoilt her 'party' by being so hyper? I don't know. I really need to talk to someone about it.

Anyway, we walked back to Flinder's Street Station to go home. And I made a point not to talk/purposly walk by myself. I think Urvashi then said something about me looking grown up or something, and apparantly Shim was trying to grab hold of my arm so that I'd walk with them...but my hand was busy holding my hat to stop it from being stolen again. But in my 'low' state, I missed out on a guy checking me out.

As we were walking along, we passed these 2 guys who looked to be in their low 20's and shortly after we passed them, Urvashi said, "Woah Nikki...that guy just checked you out...MAJORLY" I replied dumbly and she then said, "Yeah, he was just like...staring at your tits"

So yeah...now I'm just pissed that I missed picking up and something. But it's good to know that there's not one person in the world who likes my chest X3 So yeah, after Urvashi going on about how much the guy checked me out, I yelled out after the guy, "OK! I'LL CALL YOU!" so yeah...

We got to the station and I think Urvashi did want to talk to everyone as a group...but unfortunatly she didn't get a chance to as I would've REALLY liked to have known an explanation for her behaviour. Also, apparantly next to everyone was going back to her house. So after hugs blah blah I went to my station...now noticing a few more guys checking me out -_-; And asked when/where my train was leaving...I had 15 minutes to wait...So I headed over to the toilets where Shim and Urvashi had gone as I figured even if I was wanted or not, I could really use some company to pass the time. So I did that and found them and there was this preppy chick there and she was wearing this dress...and had the BEST cleavage/worst cleavage showing dress I have ever seen...seriously...I don't know how her tits didn't fall out. Anyway, I discussed this with Urvashi, walked her and Shim to their station and then headed to my own to wait out the next 12 minutes.

But that last few minutes was taken up by 2 middle aged guys that came and sit down with me and one of them said that they weren't trying to bother me and he pointed out a wedding ring on his finger. Anyway, the train started and I changed over to sit on the other side of the booth next to the other guy, saying that I couldn't stand going backwards...and thus conversation was started -_-; Much to my...I unno...but I didn't feel comfortable and ended up cling my bag to my chest as numerous questions of my age and what subjects I took and what I was planning to do with my life came about...and neither of them 'could believe' that I was only 16. Though I rejected to say I was turning 17 in a month or so...but yes. After a stop or 2 they got off and I was happy about that...but yeah um...I think that's all for now...oh! And one of my 3 pink hair extentions also fell out -_-; "Nikki...is your hair getting longer?!" "No...it's just falling out"

So yeah, now I have to pin it into my hair -_-;

And cookies to whoever read all of that

And that's how it is.

Adios!

An LJ quiz

2005-09-29T00:16:00.000+10:00

*TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey*
Name:	Nikki?
Birthday:	5th of November shudder
Birthplace:	Mount Waverly Hospital (Melbourne, Australia)
Current Location:	My chair X3
Eye Color:	Hazel ('cause saying brown's boring =P)
Hair Color:	Light brown with blonde highlights and pink hair extentions nods
Height:	167cm which is 5'6"?
Right Handed or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	Um...Australian? =S
The Shoes You Wore Today:	were dirty
Your Weakness:	Alcohol and Annie X3 Oh! And chocolate!
Your Fears:	Losing people close to me? =S Clichecliche
Your Perfect Pizza:	Margharita all the way bahby! >D
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Get to Canadia?
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	You suck my schlong
Thoughts First Waking Up:	'I want my Annie' & 'Fuck I need more sleep'
Your Best Physical Feature:	Depends who you ask xD
Your Bedtime:	When I get bored
Your Most Missed Memory:	**le sigh reminisces**
Pepsi or Coke:	Coke =9 Diet Vanilla x3
MacDonalds or Burger King:	Macca's
Single or Group Dates:	SINGLE! DX
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Wha?
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Mmm...chocolate...
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Ooh! Tough one!
Do you Smoke:	Not any more =) BE PROUD OF ME DAMMIT! Oh but the cravings =(
Do you Swear:	Fuck no
Do you Sing:	Yes. Badly.
Do you Shower Daily:	Depends what you call 'daily'...
Have you Been in Love:	YEESH! X3
Do you want to go to College:	I think they call it University here =S
Do you want to get Married:	To a male? No. To a female? Get back to me on this one.
Do you belive in yourself:	LoL! Hell no! XD We all know I have the lowest self esteem of all time =P
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Only in bed...kidding! X3 Um yes, whenever I have to go backwards on something moving
Do you think you are Attractive:	Not at all -_-; Others beg to differ though u_u;
Are you a Health Freak:	Have you SEEN the state of my desk?!
Do you get along with your Parents:	Yes, just like I have a potato for a head
Do you like Thunderstorms:	OMGOMGOMG!!! YES!!! =DDD
Do you play an Instrument:	I'm musically incompetent
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Again...have you SEEN the state of my desk? Or...the state of me the last 3 mornings?! XD
In the past month have you Smoked:	Um...if I answer 'yes' I'm going to get thwacked...so no
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Nope n_n
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Not really
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	SHOPPING CENTRE! AAH! DAMN AMERICANISATION! hits
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	Not a BOX...
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Yush! =D
In the past month have you been on Stage:	Indeed I have =3 But we didn't win =(
In the past month have you been Dumped:	Nuu X3 snugs Annie
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	It's the middle of winter, what do you think?!
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	Possibly...wait...yea
Ever been Drunk:	PFFT! Oh NO! Of COURSE not! Doof! You havn't lived until you've got pissed nods
Ever been called a Tease:	Everytime I talk to Cassie =P ...WHAT?! It's not MY fault she gets turned on easily =P
Ever been Beaten up:	Yes...I'd rather not remember that series
Ever Shoplifted:	Nope ^-^
How do you want to Die:	Overdose on laughing gas xD Um...I unno
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	'Grow Up'?! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!
What country would you most like to Visit:	Canada - duh -_-;
*In a Boy/Girl..*
Favourite Eye Color:	Blue
Favourite Hair Color:	Hmm...Annie's hair colour? ^_^; I unno...anything not boring =3
Short or Long Hair:	Medium in a girl and in a guy...well...shaggy like Pat's is alright, but no bald heads -_-;
Height:	Taller than me? But not a giant
Weight:	Muscle weighs more than fat =P
Best Clothing Style:	GAWTHIQUE!!!
Number of Drugs I have taken:	Legal or illegal?
Number of CDs I own:	Who count that?
Number of Piercings:	2 which is soon going to turn into 5 ^_^
Number of Tattoos:	Noooone
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	99024 659 823 742 094 760 392 840 598 (can someone say that number for me?) actually...I unno...quite a few
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Would you like complementary Cream and Fudge with that? Part 3

2005-09-28T15:03:00.000+10:00

OMGOMGOMGOMG!!! I GOT THE JOB!!! I START TRAINING TOMORROW!!! SQUEE!!!!

Would you like complementary Cream and Fudge with that? Part 2

2005-09-28T12:04:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Tripping - Robbie Williams
Feeling: Ice Cream-erful *nods*
Weather: IT RAINED ON ME!!! MUMMY!!!! DX

Well...I had my job interview at Dairy Bell today...and...to put it frankly, it wasn't an interview but more of a run down on the happenings and going ons of me and this other chick that were there being employed and codes of dress and what the pay rates were and stuff like that.

And then at the end, she said, "Pat will give you a call and let you know when you can start,"

SQUEE!!!

So...Nikki THINKS she has a job! =DD

And, the pay is FUCKING AWESOME. Seeing I'm "17" it's $8:30 an hour after 6pm on weekdays, and it goes up on Saturdays and up further on Sundays!!! And I only have 2 shifts a week, sadly enough - I want more =(

Anyway, the pay is awesome but another thing...THE FRINGE BENEFITS! =D And no I'm not sleeping with anyone -_-; But, the fringe benefits are that I get a 2 litre tub of ice cream EACH WEEK, I can eat ANYTHING on the job and I get 20% off anything else I want! X3

HOW FUCKING AWESOME'S THAT?!

Sam...you expesnsive ho...you make me all happy and wake people at 3am when we talk X3

And that's how it is.

Adios BITCHES! >D

Would you like complementary Cream and Fudge with that?

2005-09-28T00:22:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Helena - My Chemical Romance
Feeling: ...
Weather: Night

Right...I have a job interview at Dairy Bell tomorrow which I was notified of yesterday...so yeah...wish my luck people, and with any luck I'll be serving in an ice-cream related place near you!

Disclaimer: This last comment as directed to those living in the metropolitan region of Melbourne and not to the freezing beavers - much apology for the inconvenience.

So...what I've learnt from the last interview is to know what dates my exams are and when school finishes...and I also need to take an updated version of my resume along with me as the version they have is the version from last Summer -_-; Which equals around Christmas time LAST YEAR.

And I thought -I- was the Queen of Procrastination...

Anyway, I'm a bundle of nerves...I think I preferred it much more where I had 10 minutes notice of a job interview and 2 chicks took me out to sit on a bench outside the store...well...with any luck we'll go and sit outside in the courtyard...weather and the number of people already in there permitting of course...anyway...I must think of what to wear...and yes, I -will- tie back my hair much to my own frustration.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Reflections?

2005-09-27T00:15:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Some slow song on the radio (possibly by an old fart or coldplay)
Feeling: Reflective
Weather: Night

Alot of the people's at MGF who have blogs and write in them and stuff, are over at Live Journal; which has prompted me to go and have a look around my old blog and re-take some of the quizzes there - my inner child is still 16.

I've considered moving those few old entries over here on a number of seperate occasions...but I just never have...whether it's from lazyness or the symbolism of bringing that 'old life' into this new one I keep track of here on blogger, I'm not sure. But I guess they'll all stay over there. It's not as if they're really of any great importance anyway.

But just through briefly reading through a few, I can't help but wonder what happened between Sam and I. I'm not quite sure what's been going on lately...just...all the stupid things I've said and done. I still stand with my stance on the Farindol issue but...I don't know...I don't know why I just keep like...talking shit or something...it never sounds like shit at the time, and it doesn't seem like shit now at all...but I guess I know that deep down it is. And I'm not sure how that works.

But...I don't know...I guess I just miss having the close friend I had before in the Live Journal days...just looking back on those entries - what's happened to me?

Surely I'm not a monster...but just the way I've been lately...with no motivation or social skills and some how forcing myself to do...I don't know - anything? Even Blogging's become a chore lately...and I know it never was before and art has next to deminished, even though I have no end of pieces I should be making. I know -exactly- what I'm going to do for Sam & Mine meeting anniversary pic thing this year...I don't know why I call it an 'anniversary' as such...but it's a date that I feel should be somewhat celebrated as Sam has been a key player in my life in these last...what is it...year and 9 months? Even though these 9 months have gone out the window...to what? I'm not sure.

But yeah...what significance and symbolism this picture has, I'm not sure of. It's just an idea that came to me and it sounded good at the time, and still does now...so yeah...

Just yeah...Sam...if you're reading this, I've still remembered the 'Pre-Sorry' Agreement/arrangement we have...I can just SENSE me doing something stupid some time in the near future.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

With a Glance

2005-09-26T18:43:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Bullocks
Feeling: Pleh meh feh
Weather: Threatening to rain

I don't know...are you deserting me too...? I tried to find some of the places on my list today...I found one...out of the 5 I tried to find today...it was pathetic -_-;

Dragged Dylan along, we ended up spliting up at Flinder's later when I wanted to catch a train to Chapel and he wanted to stay in the city looking through computer electronics shops -_-; I mean REALLY, there are only -so- many different items you can look at and ALL the stores are EXACTLY the same.

Anywho, looks like I'll be meeting up with Irony at Burlesque's meetup thing on Friday...I'm really dreading it...scared actually I think...there's my introversion trying to force me out of being somewhat sociable again. But Irony's parents have said she can't go out this week....which REALLY puts a spanner in the works as I've planned my week around depending on doing something with her on Wednesday...so poo. At least I have Friday night to look forward to to some extent.

I also went up to Chaddy today to hunt a bit more. Decided not to get the 3/4 length jacket thing from Womat mainly because of the price and the unusual splattering of pastel green and purple. So I went back to Supre and for the first time ever got asked if I was "alright there"...surely I didn't look THAT out of place. But there is a jacket and a shirt I have my eye on in there.

Also, in the Cathedral Arcade on Swanstone, found a 3/4 trench coat I really wouldn't mind...now...where do I get $80 from?!

Looks like I'm saying good bye to a new outfit for Dylan's on Saturday.

And that's how it is

Adios!

And some more

2005-09-24T23:56:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Mr. Brightside (remix) - The Killers
Feeling: ...better...I guess...
Weather: I think I should just stop stating this, night.

Well...I waited for Annie for 4 hours or something last night...yes, I -am- somewhat upset, but not really considering something could've come up and I didn't pre-organise a meeting with her...I'll tell ya what, Dottson's gonna have hell to pay when he comes online. But it doesn't matter, it gave me time to stay up and talk some with Irony while getting mildly intoxicated...fuck...I love that word.

Intoxicated...

Everything about it just spells me...instant fun, euphoria, poison, deadly & all with a headache in the morning.

Anyway, turns out that Irony was on so late because she'd just come back from a meet up in the city on the last train, me being me of course, I asked questions and found out that it was a basically an unofficial weekly get drunk & pissed with all the underage Flinder's Goths - I'm going next week.

Of course I'll cling to Irony the whole night (providing we can meet up sometime before hand), she said if they come after me she'll just fend them off with a packet of cigarettes, lol XD It's going to be GREAT. Apparantly some Christian Workers are often nearby and bring (non alcoholic) drinks and food or something, and in the case of last night, joined in in a game of soccer...ah...Christian Workers + Drunk Underage Goths + Soccer = Instant Fun. It's going to be great.

Urvashi and I are also supposed to be going to Toxic's Warehouse Clearance tomorrow...but I havn't heard ANYTHING from Jen yet...so as soon as I'm done with this I'll go and call her or sommat.

Somethings I meant to put in my last post:
- I think I bumped into Dan while walking up to Chaddy
- The noise of the frogs was unbarable
- Halfway across the park, I was joined by some other youths
- I'm mentally sick
- I forgot what I was doing at Chaddy
- I REALLY wished that I hadn't taped my top to my bra
- I REALLY wished that I'd worn more eyeliner and my choker
- I tried on this skank ho dress at Y Not? - Considering buying
- Summer fashion sucks my schlong

Do goths still wear black in summer or do they migrate to white?

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Gunpoint

2005-09-23T20:59:00.000+10:00

Listening to: screaming
Feeling: Shot and drained
Weather: Night (duh)

I just want to die...I might as well do so...after all I -did- just have a gun pointed at me...by my brother as I was leaving the house too...I ran...I shouldn't have as it showed weakness...but I just can't -stand- guns being pointed at...anything...

I was leaving the house around 6:30pm...to go for a walk and clear my head from the impending depression that I felt coming on and to also go up to chaddy to see what I could find in the way of gothic-y stuff to wear to Dylan's 18th which later turned into a search for a jacket as I forgot what I was looking for due to my poor mental state.

I TXTed my mother to pick me up at 8:30pm

It's not a very nice feeling knowing that your abusive brother wants you dead.

I -feel- dead...I might as well be dead for all I know...

I'm sure no one'd mind, it'd actually be quite interesting.

And after telling my mother, I can't believe she doesn't see this kind of behaviour abnormal...even for a now 12 year old with asperger's.

Am I the only one who can see the monster that lies with in the pudtrid flesh?!

Am I the only one who is going to be terribly and horribly tormented for everyone of my 1 year, 1 month, 1 week and 6 days left to go?

I'm going to die.

And that's how it is.

Adios

Alone

2005-09-20T13:57:00.000+10:00

Listening to: I forgot - My Chemical Romance
Feeling: alone, rejected, missing
Weather: Like I give a fuck

Someone...remind me next time...never allow me to be alone with myself...it's 2pm...I'm dieing here...mother and brother have gone off to the Show....father's at funeral/work....which leaves me here...alone...by myself...with no one else around to keep my spirits high, to keep me entertained or to even let me know that the world knows of my existence...

It's a HORRIBLE feeling...

Like...I've never seen the sun...and that's a line from some song...I don't know...I just don't know what's bought this on. Nez expressed it perfectly to me before...but I can't remember now...I can't remember ANYTHING now...it's all just so...empty.

I've tried having some of my sugar crammed slice I made last night...but I don't know...the chocolate and sugar just isn't working...much like somehow I don't know the origins of this sudden low...

I DON'T GET IT

I JUST FUCKING DON'T UNDERSTAND!

WHY?!

I don't get it...why am I here? I don't know, and everyone else has forgotten.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

A Problem (Help & Advice needed)

2005-09-19T00:38:00.000+10:00

Right-o. The Royal Melbourne Show is this um...GINORMOUS carnival thing that happens in Melbourne (where I live) every year. There's rides, and games, and food, and amusements, and show bags, and lots of animals and contests and animal judging and all that stuff. Anyway, I'm going to the Royal Melbourne Show (RMS) this year, and I originally asked Jen if she was available to go this Friday with me, she said she couldn't.

So, I asked Dylan today if he wanted to come with me to the Royal Melbourne Show this Friday, he said that he'd come. Another thing you should know is that Dylan is my step cousin who's just invited me to his 18th too...

But now, Jen's said that her, Liz and Mono are going to the RMS this Tuesday (in 2 days) and now I REALLY don't know who to go with or what to do.

I -really- want to go with Jen, Liz and Mono 'cause I know I'll have more fun, but now I feel obligated to go with Dylan.

Help? Suggestions...PLEASE?! DX

Amber Rose

2005-09-18T16:46:00.000+10:00

Listening to: 4eva - The Veronicas
Feeling: Squee-a-rific
Wather: Blue sky with marshmallow clouds <3

Well Em's just called me to let me know more details of her older sister's baby that was born around 4am this morning =3

She TXTed me last night at '12:03am' according to my phone...but it suck schlong, so I TXTed her back immediatly when I woke up this morning (at 6am -_-;)

But it's just fantastic =) She's been ranting and raving about it the whole year, and now Amber Rose has been born a week early, happy & healthy, with strawberry blonde hair and brown eyes...

SQUEE!!! She's going to be SO pretty - I can sense it X3;

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Resolv-ed

2005-09-17T18:56:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Hey Mama - Black Eyed Peas
Feeling: Enlightened
Weather: Night

Well I've just had Icthus (yet another Jess) from the MGF add me on MSN...which I find...relieving to say the least...it's good to have a female um...friend I guess in a new place or something...but anyway, I got onto talking to her about the whole Liam - Dave thing, to which she enlightened me that Liam is indeed the fiend I need to watch out for and that Dave is one of the nicest guys that I'll ever come across.

I've since added Dave to my MSN, and yeah...he is a nice guy...great even. He's doing art at RMIT or something like that...so it's all cool.

I'm just hoping some sort of meet up during the day in the city can be organised for sometime in the next 2 weeks O-x;

And that's how it is.

Adios

Art's Captain

2005-09-16T17:14:00.000+10:00

Listening to: From Paris to Berlin - Infernal
Feeling: Down hearted
Weather: Overcast

Ah well...the Captains for next year were announced this morning...

Sadly enough I didn't get Art's Captain, Ebony did...and I'm happy for her, she deserves it...I guess...I just REALLY wanted it...and out of everyone in the year level I do the most arty subjects this year...I unno...just a bit disappointed I guess. I'll post out the full list later. But it's hard to type in these fishnet gloves <3>

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Seniors & Inters CVI Results

2005-09-14T23:32:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Some sad radio talk back show
Feeling: Tired, disappointed...but Annie being online makes up for all of that =)
Weather: Night

Well we had our second part of CVI tonight and did pretty badly...I just don't think we were in the zone. Overall we ended up coming 3rd by 2 or 3 points I think...beaten by Bentleigh =/ Ung...

Anyway, and the Inters with their CVI last night...well....they came 5th overall out of 7 I think, but it was really good considering they only had 2 or 4 points from the first half. They were also REALLY well behaved for Jess, Me and Laura 'cause Kate wasn't there as she was still in hospital from delivering her baby, Rogan, the night before =) He came 5 weeks early, but both him and Kate are happy and healthy which is the important thing X3

Oh! They also came 1st in Aesthetics, which was great =)

And if I can get through tomorrow...it'll be a miracle...I have...
- VisComm Outcome Due
- French Oral Presentation (I think...I don't know)
- Finish writing Art Outcome in 53 minutes ( I have 5/6 of it left to write! D; )
- Drama Solo Rehearsal after school 1 on 1 with Ms. James
- HAVE to remember to go to Wilky's dance rehearsal at lunchtime O-x;
- And I also need to clean my room after school

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Love Triangle?

2005-09-14T15:23:00.000+10:00

Listening to: the heater o_o
Feeling: Um...luv-ed? XD;
Weather: Cloooudy

Ah well...I've been at MGF for less than 24 hours and I think I've already got myself into a love triangle...with 2 guys =S

Well, I posted my little "Hi I'm new thread" type thing yeah, and I get this one guy, Asrainox welcoming me and telling me that he's sent me a U2U (PM) and how to get to it and everything. Any way, he's really nice and welcoming and told me that if anyone sells me short to just tell him and he'll sort it out or something XD; I also asked him about the MGF Meet ups and who normally turned up and what happened and all of that. And he was saying that if I was insecure about going to them, I could just sorta hang with him for a bit, though he gaurunteed withing 20 minutes I'd have all the friends I could ever need X3;

But just now sorta, I've got this other U2U from Cornelius (Liam) basically warning me of this Asrainox guy and saying that he's a big of a fake and that he's broken alot of hearts and that if I ask him about it he'll probably just reject it and stuff...Yeah...he said that Asrainox (David), 'destroys women emotionally' and if I didn't believe him, to ask his most recent ex who's also at MGF. But yeah...he said he hated to be such a downer, 'cause he didn't wanna see me get hurt or something...

SOOO I'm not quite sure what's going on. I'm really not looking for any relationships out of MGF, especially male, so it's not really that much of an issue. And well...from some of the other posts I've had on my n00b board...it seems that everyone's trying to be really protective of me for some reason...I'm not exactly sure why...maybe it's 'cause I'm 'young', 'new', um...'attractive' I guess or a combination of the 3.

But I'm not really sure whether to believe Liam or David, but as I said, it won't be an issue as I'm not looking for any relationships really...but yeah...even if it just because I'm 'attactive', I think it's sweet how they're um...re-acting? I unno, I'll have to blog some of their posts sometime soon. But until then, I'm just happy to be there and to be accepted...I don't know.

I'll have to go to one of the meet ups sometime...and perhaps even organise one around my birthday...? I don't know, at the moment it looks as though Jen, Urvashi etc. will be busy with the end of year exams to really care that much for gothin' up for a night and going out to the city -_-;

So yeah...that'd be a good way to celebrate =)

And that's how it is.

Adios!

MCF - The Melbourne Goth Forum

2005-09-14T01:54:00.000+10:00

Listening to: -
Feeling: Excited! X3
Weather: Night

Well, while searching google for some Gothic Shops/Stores in Melbourne, I actually replaces the word 'Shop' with 'Hangout' and one of the first replies I got to the search was for a forum titled "Melbourne Goth Forum"...I think I must've squeeked or something 'cause I nearly fell out of my bed. It's the EXACT thing I'd been sub-consciously searching for. A forum or online gathering place for goths or people interested in gothic shit who DIDN'T live on a COMPLETELY different continent XD Well, I signed up under the user name of 'Siera'.

I was actually REALLY nervous and intimidated by everything...as I don't really label myself as goth, and there are 1 or 2 usernames that I know are a part of AA too...so I might just have to try and avoid them...but since when were Lilith and Jay, goth? =S Anyway, after trying to find their usernames in the 72 page memberlist, I figured with that many members, encountering either one would be slim, and even slimmer for either of them to recognise me as I never really knew either of them.

But anyway, I've not posted my little 'n00b hi I'm new' thread and so far I've had an AWESOME few replies back X3 and instead of being intimidated and scared, I'm actually REALLY excited now! It's just SO exciting.

Though at the moment it looks as if a great deal of the MCF are male..

And that's how it is.

Adios!

A Few Alterations...

2005-09-13T08:03:00.000+10:00

http://www.deviantart.com/view/22846337/

Gothin' it up - Part 2

2005-09-12T21:50:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Doncha - PussyCat Dolls
Feeling: Frisky and stressed (odd combination, neh?)
Weather: Night

Well...I woke up early this morning to have a shower and piece together the end of my Drama Solo, only to develop a tummy ache which made me feel like I was gonna throw up O-x;

So I ended up going to school for periods 1 & 2 which was Drama where I did my Mock Performance...it could've gone better, but I think I'm the one of the 7 who's got theirs most completed. Anywho, then came home a bit into Period 3 and cleaned up the eastern side of my room...

Actually...cleaning my room is pointless. I clean up one side, and all the shit that I don't find a 'home' for, gets shoved over to the other side, then I clean up the other side, and all the shit that I just pushed over there gets pushed back to where it was before...frustrating -_-;

Anyway, after doing some cleaning and watching most of Romeo & Juliet so that I looked like I'd done some work, I asked mum if I could walk up to Chaddy so I could get some fresh air...in actual fact I was going up there to get my lingerie, choker and fishnets <3

But yeah...that ended up taking 2 1/2 hours...somehow n_n;

So I started off by going to Spend Less to check out the boots I saw yesterday...tried them on. And the pair that are PERFECT are not $24 but $50 -_-; Which is ALOT worse...so I unno what I'll do...I REALLY want them and they're SO hot...they're like these platform knee high black leather boots that are zip up and tie up and they're really hot =(

So yeah...left them and headed over to K-Mart to get my fish net stockings <3

And after that I then went to Target to get my ultra hot and sexy corset bra and panties set. Unfortunatly, they didn't have my EXACT bra size...I'm apparantly too small around the rib cage -_-; So I ended up getting the smaller size bra rather than the larger after what seemed like an ETERNITY of bouncing, jumping and dirty dancing in the change room...and yes...I did put on my fish nets with the lingerie >3 Too hot. Remembered to pick up my black beaded choker and went to the check out.

And the lines there were FUCKING RIDICULOUS. 3 lanes there and they were all pretty full. I ended up getting called over to the 'extra wide' aisle by this rather hot guy working there....I saw him look at me before and I think he got rather distracted as he forgot to take the coat hangers off my bra and panties -_-; And I saw him checking out the sizes XD

So yeah, after that small ordeal, I started my search for black nail polish which I did have a brief look for in Target, the only stuff they had was this really expensive 'fast drying' stuff...mkay then...so I went to MyChemist...same deal, the only had the expensive fancy stuff...so I went to the other MyChemist and the same deal there. Went to Coles and they didn't have black full stop. Took a chance and went to the Reject Shop which didn't even have a cosmetics section, and then I ended up backin K-Mart in the cosmetics section this time X3 Where I WAS FINALLY succesful! Yey! =D

They did have the ultra fancy nail polish there too, but luckily for me, they also had a bottle of black nail polish for $3! Yey! =D

So yes, Nikki's cheap...oh yeah! On the way to Coles, I also bumped into Jess...who didn't believe that I'd been sick XD; So yeah, had some small talk there.

And yes...it's all good.

Later tonight I'll goth it all up and take a few pics and up load them to devART or sommat like that <3

Now that'll be hot XD

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Gothin' it up

2005-09-11T20:54:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Sweet Dreams are made of these - Marilyn Manson
Feeling: Gothy >3
Weather: Night >D

Yeah...Nikki's definatly going goth sooner than October the 31st - she just can't wait. So deal with it bitches >D

I think it was last night's trip to the city and the creation of Ver that's trigered this...seriously...SUUU many goths in the city, and I've been getting really good feedback from Ver in the DC. Apparantly she has an 'interesting' character XD

Anywho, priced Fish Net Stockings last night online 'cause I thought they were expensive as they were 'too expensive' for us to wear as part of our costume for Calisthenics last year. They ended up not being that bad, ranging from $10 - $15 for thigh highs that stayed up by themselves.

So anywho, woke up this morning and made it my mission to sometime go to Chaddy during today to price fishnets and prehaps buy some. Well, the occasion presented its self when my whole family went up to Chaddy...and I went too as I needed to get a storage unit for my bedroom for all the random pieces of paper/school work that's cluttered around my bed. So Dad I set off to do that.

We started off at K-Mart, and only found this weird colourful stacking box thing, then set off to Howard's Storage World where there was well...ALOT of storage thinga-mes X3 there was one that did um...'catch my eye' I guess...it was this 4 storey tiered white plastic thing that has sort of these half basket things. So yeah, Robert and Mum caught us back up in there and I said I wanted to have a look in House before I made my decision on what to get.

Well, House was of no use, so we went to Target where I lost Dad -_-; But that did give me a chance to try and find some fishnets...which I couldn't find as they'd re-arranged things so where the stockings/tights SHOULD have been...there was 'Women's Sleepwear' -_-;

So anyway, finally found Dad who had actually gone out of Target...so yeah...on a 'family decision' we decided to get the white plastic thing from Howard's...which is currently sitting in my room...I suppose it does look kinda cool...but it's a bit of an eye sore...well...at least Linda will be happy that it's 'neat and tidy' -_-;

Anywho, we then just popped briefly back into K-Mart so I could get some little storage box things for my make up drawer. After that, Mum, Dad & Robert were getting on the escalator to go home, and I just told Dad who was last on the escalator that I was gonna stay and look around some more than I'd walk my self home...so yeah. After that, I headed back up to Target so I could try and find the stockings section again.

Well...I started in the lingerie section and found this REALLY nice bra which I've now decided to buy tomorrow (as I didn't have enough money on me to afford it) It's this padded (I think) black bra, but what strikes me about it is that at the front, it has this hot pink ribbon corset effect...I'll try and take a picture of it. REALLY reminded me of Ver as she now where's a corset in her design. So, after discovering they didn't have my exact size, I did actually find matching under wear to the bra. Unfortunatly they're full backed, but they also have the pink corset ribbon thing happening down the front <3>

Giving up on finding stockings, I headed over to the shoes section to see if there were any good black boots there, but before I got to the shoes I ended up walking into the stockings section which was really quite pathetic. I couldn't find any fishnets there much to my disappointment, so I left to go to Spend Less Shoes, but just as I'd exited Target, I remembered this choker that I saw in there before, so I quickly headed back to where it was...which was in the middle of the lingerie section actually...odd =S But I tried it on again...and I actually quite like it alot...well...I don't like it's price tag...$20 for a black beaded choker thingy seems a bit pricey for me...but we ALL know I'll end up getting it anyway. I have always liked chockers...Actually...I wonder where my rainbow one is...THAT could help me pick up chicks >D

Anyway, on the way to Spend Less, I passed Insane who are having a MAJOR closing down sale... and something caught my eye and I am SO glad it did. It was a black long sleeved top that one of the chicks there was marking it down with one of those pricing gun things, so I just hung around a bit so I could try it on after she'd finished pricing it down. I looked at the price tag...$8!!!! PERFECT! Although it WAS a Size 12, I yoinked it off the rack and couldn't get into the change rooms fast enough. Took off the AFK hat, striped of the couture jacket and um...weird off white top thing, and put this black top on...I just HAD to smile. It's perfect. It's a long sleved semi-long black top with a squared neck that's trimed with lace and the ends of the sleves are gathered...so fantasticly gothieh <3

So I scrounged around in my hand bag for the $8 for it and went up to the store front to buy it =3

So yeah, THEN I went down to Spend Less as they were closing, so I ducked in and had a quick look around and could only find a very small section...there were black boots there EXACTLY like what I'm looking for...but they're $24...Prehaps I can get Mum to pay for them? But aside from the price again, they're perfect. I didn't have time to try them on, but I fear they may be a bit small for my foot =/ But we'll see tomorrow =)

Then went BACK to K-Mart to see what they had in the way of fish net stockings and black boots. They DID have fish net stockings for $10 and I've decided to go back tomorrow and buy a pair that go to the waist and have fairly large holes in them. But there was also this pair that's $11, they do have smaller holes but are thigh high and stay up by themselves...so I'm a bit torn between the two. But I think I'll go with the cheaper...for now...though thigh highs would be so hot with the skirt I'm gonna wear... >_>

And K Mart also had NO black boots what so ever which sorely disappointed me, though I did have a look to see if they had the corset bra and panty set...but they didn't. Then called mum to pick me up as it was raining and went home <3

And I've also just tried on the top with my black ruffled (shortish) skirt along with some random black tights, red lipstick and smudged my eyeliner...I think I almost orgasmed XD

Ah, SO fetch. Even if I don't look goth because of my hair, at least I can sorta dress like one. And I'll go with Jen and Urvashi to the city on Friday to get the fishnet gloves too...ah...and yes, you will see pictures.

I'm SO excited...this is gonna be GREAT

Ah...I'm getting more and more like Ver as the days go on.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Charlie & The Chocolate Factory and more

2005-09-10T23:57:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Loaded
Feeling: Hmm....tired and stressed I guess?
Weather: Night

Well...Jen kept to her promise =3 We had a wild escapade to the city tonight/this evening which was awesome X3

We met up at Chaddy just outside of Hoyts where this rather cute guy was sitting down and just listening to some music via headphones...I actually considered going up to and starting a conversation and inviting him to come with Jen and I...but that didn't happen n_n;

Jen was a bit late...but yeah, we got our tickets for Willy Wonka and set off to Coles so I could get some Star Burst Squirts....but despite that, we both ended up at the Hoyts Candy Bar buying our selves a 'Sweet & Swirly' um...package, I guess you'd call it? Small coke, small popcorn, candy cane and a swirley straw for $4.95 =3 Which is pretty good considering the CRAZY prices at Hoyts O-x;

So yeah, Willy Wonka was good...I think...it's a bit hard to make a judgement as I've seen the old version of the movie too...so I'm not quite sure which I preferred...the new one left out a few things the old one had, but also had alot more Wonka Childhood stuff and I LOVED the computer graphics =3

But yeah, after that we had to rush to check out when the bus came to take us to Holmesglen Station, bus was only 5 minutes away so we unfortunatly didn't have any time to play DDR much to my displeasure. Anywho, we got to Holmesglen Station and caught the train into the city.

Unfortunatly again, Boost was closed and I was THROUGHLY disappointed, and even Feeling Fruity was closed...so I couldn't even feel half fruity.

Oh yeah, Jen was also wearing these elbow length fish net glove things that she got from a shop in Melbourne Central called 'Toxic', which is apparantly a goth/rock/punk shop thing which we were going to go to...but it closes on Saturdays at 6pm, so me, Jen, Urvashi & Liz are going to go into the city on Friday after school to get Boost and me a pair of those HOT fish net gloves =3 So prehaps we'll see pictures of Nikki going goth sooner than expected? ^_^

Anywho...we wondered around for QUITE A WHILE around Melbourne Central 'cause I decided I needed food even though I wasn't hungry...Subway? Hungry Jacks? Nah...Nikki wanted Asian food =3 So the quest began of trying to find a take away asian food place that was open at 10pm on a Saturday X3; Which ended in a few TXT messages to Dylan before we found THE perfect place =3 Which both Jen and I have agreed on to go to again. We ordered the Lemon Chicken and made our way down Swanston to Flinders Street Station...briefly encountering one of the year 12s from my school...hopefully she didn't recognise me though...

So yeah, we got to the station and found out we had half an hour before the train left, so we sat down to have our lemon chicken before getting up and deciding to get a Slurpee from 7-11...

Um...yeah...I don't think I have EVER noticed how many goths there are in Melbourne...'cause we sure encountered quite a few on our walkings around the city...but yeah...anywho...*must go goth sometime*

SOO hot...I had to try SO hard to keep myself from staring/looking intently at some of the girls <3;;;

Coming out of 7-11, bumped into a guy asking for $1 for the train...I reluctantly began rumaging through my handbag as I know I just put $1 back in there from the change from the Slurpee...unfortunatly, a $5 note fell out and this guy genuinly seemed to need the money, he didn't look homeless nor did he appear stoned or drunk...so I did do this, but I was also in a rush to get back to a train station so I ended up just giving him the $5 note in exchange for the small change he had in his hand. He also did start by asking if he could borrow some money, so he then asked if I had a phone number I could contact him. I said no and walked off with him nuding me and telling me that I'm beautiful before getting bombarded by a woman who was most definatly homeless O-x;

Going back into Flinders Street Station, I SWORE there was this goth girl there who I could've easily mistaken for Cassie...I'm not sure if it was her or not...I'm not really quite sure. But I've left her a note on devART asking if she was in the city. I don't think it was her, but there's always the posibility. Her and her goth chick anyway seemed to be looking at me...or something...I unno =S

*sigh* Nikki needs to go goth or something. October the 31st can't come fast enough.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

I wouldn't like kitty litter with that =(

2005-09-07T15:51:00.000+10:00

Listening to: -
Feeling: *sigh*
Weather: Clear

I just called the chick from Pet's Paradise back...turns out I didn't get the job after all =( Well...THAT'S a disappointment, so Nikki still has no job, no income, and...I just don't know...HOW do you get a FREAKING JOB?! AAH!!! DX

I'm beginning to think I have "Incopetant" shaven into the back of my head.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Love Sick

2005-09-06T23:32:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Love Theme from Moulin Rouge
Feeling: Love sick
Weather: Night

Well...Garth and I have come to the conclusion that I'm love sick for Annie 23/8 or the time =(

I don't know...I just miss her and want her like you'd never believe. I could blame the curiousity of being with a chick and all of that...but I think it's more than that.

Just like...if I don't constantly keep my mind focused on something...it always wonders back to her...what it'd be like to have her here with me, to have her hold and caress me, to be able to call her at lunchtimes and see what she's up to and have her call me all those pet names...oh only if.

I made a thread on Gaia last night asking what countries have gay marriage legalised...no, I'm not planning anything so guys don't get too hard. But it's just in case and being with my sexuality it can't help to know what your options are X3 I was somewhat shocked when I received such a short list of countries...Canada's looking the best right now...well there ya go, another reason on my list to go there...but...marriage...somehow marrying someone of the same gender seems and looks alot different than marrying someone of the opposite gender...ALL hypothetically of course.

But I don't know...how I can feel such feelings is beyond me.

But here's to us Annie, we met 9 weeks ago today and we've been...um...''together' for 8 weeks and a day...aren't you glad my curiosity got the better of me? I sure am. 'Cause I couldn't have asked for anything more than you.

And that's how it is.

Adios

Would You Like Kitty Litter With That? Part 2

2005-09-06T18:57:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Wonderful Life - Tina Cousins
Feeling: OH EM GEE! =D
Weather: Twilight...? Wait...is that even considered weather?!

Right-o, just got back from the dentist, and to clear everything up, Part 1 is save-ed as a draft =3

Anywho, when my mother picked me up from school to take me from the dentist, she said I think just about the only think that could've made me happy.

But yeah, she said that while I stayed after school to work on my Art Prac, she received a phone call from the 'lass' from Pet's Paradise as she put it, and said that the chick there wanted me to call back after school tomorrow.

Well...for those of you who don't know, which is next to everyone. Last week, I went out spreading t3h joyous Nikki-Resume throughout the lands. And one of the places I popped into is a pet store up at the local shopping centre (mall) called 'Pet's Paradise' who had a sign in their window requesting casual or part time workers. So I handed my resume into them pretty much on the dot at 5, and they said that this was the last day they were having them and to come back in 15 minutes so that they could interview me for the position!

Well, I'll leave that on a cliffhanger so you'll have to find the draft once I post it or something. They said THEN which was 6 days ago that they'd call me 'tomorrow'. Needless to say, the call never came 'tomorrow' and I'd pretty much forgotten about that until today when my mother told me that they had rung and were wanting me to call back...so...things are looking good! =D

HOPEFULLY, by tomorrow afternoon, Nikki will have a job! =D HOW EXCITING! =D

Well...it's looking promising anyway =3 I'm just somewhat concerned about the pay...scared that it's going to be really shit...and from all the rumours I've heard of how the pets at Pet's Paradise are treated...I did say in the interview that I was looking for a long term job...but hey! I was just telling them what they wanted to hear, it's all a little act ain't it?

And now to go take my curtain call.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Outraged, disgraces & disrespected

2005-09-05T23:38:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Smile Like You Mean It - The Killers
Feeling: Lower than low
Weather: Night

I just HONESTLY canNOT believe that they would even THINK of doing something like this! It's completely disgusting and disrespectful and I just feel so dirty and horrible and like throwing up.

Hey! Guess what guys! Yeah, talking about my fucking fucked up, retarted, disrespectful, disgusting parents -_-;

They know ALL TO WELL that I eat neither veal nor lamb as I think it's morally wrong to eat an animal that has more than likely had a very low quantity and possibly quality of life.

But, tonight. Uncle Russel came over for dinner has he does once very so many months. And roast is normally on the menu.

I KNEW there was something wrong with my plate as soon as I looked at it. My 1/2 a potato largely outnumbered the next to insignificant ammount of meat on my plate. I -SHOULD- have noticed it, I -SHOULD- have realised that something was up. And in the back of my mind - I did.

But, I CHOOSE to ignore it, I CHOOSE to trust my parents, I CHOOSE to believe in their judgement.

All a grave mistake.

The little insignificant pile of meat on my plate drizzled in gravy was lamb...and I ate it I'm ashamed to say. I've forced myself to throw it up in the toilet bowl now...but I just can't believe that my parents would disrespect my own choice like that...I just can't believe how they could disrespect their own child's decision like that..is absolutly disgusts me...and not only THAT. But my father even went to the lengths to ask how I liked the gravy after I'd finished the meal, and there were even comments made DURING the meal of how fatty the LAMB was -_-;

And my mother even TOLD a story of how we got the meat....they were doing that RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF MY FACE!

They were just WANTING me to realise it at any minute and go into a blind rage screaming and running from yet another dinner table.

I just feel so dirty and horrible...most of all the initial feelings are gone now due to Blogger taking ages to load for me to post...but I just can't describe how betrayed I am and how guilt free those pathetic humans I dare to call my parents are.

I refuse to talk to them comfortably until I have an apology for disrespecting my choice.

But it's all in the toilet bowl now, along side many of my ho-pes, dreams, aspirations, emotions, friends, feelings and meals.

And that's how it is.

Adios

Farindol - Taking pissing Nikki off to Extremes

2005-09-04T17:21:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Mr. Brightside - The Killers
Feeling: Tired
Weather: Sunny-ish

Arg...how does TIME ESCAPE MY GRASPS AGAIN?! DX

Well, needless to say, the layout for Farindol has been a nightmare, I'm not sure if I'd be more pissed off if I hadn't caught Sam to show her/Ben to upload it or something =S

If anyone wants to see, it can be located here:

http://www.deviantart.com/22530541/

But there's a slight problem with the full version on Ben's browser that I hope is limited to his computer only. As I'd really hate to have some of my month and 5 days worth of hard work cut out -_-;

Anyway...Sunday...5:30pm...shit...and I still have to:
- Have a shower and wash my hair
- Write up my Maths Cheat Sheet
- Draw Concept Sheet and Orthogonal Layout for VisComm Project
- Create 2 minutes more of my Drama Solo Performance

Fuck I'm screwed.

Where's that everlasting comfort I used to have?

Where did it go?

Why did it desert me?

I don't know...I don't feel like Nikki. I feel like an entirely different person...I'm not me. I've turned into someone else. I'm not who I was before, it's different...this skin doesn't feel like my own or how it used to. And I'm not the same person...I act differently and I'm heartless and cold and quick to rage.

Why has the cat grown claws?

I don't know who I am.

And that's how it is.

Adios

Winning Streak

2005-09-03T23:56:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Loaded
Feeling: Mreuh
Weather: Night

Well I've just come back from out last full Calisthenics Comp for the year before Ballarat, and despite a really shitty start, we came Runners Up/Reserve Aggregate/2nd Overall, which was just FANTASTIC! =D Our places went as follows:

March - HC (AKA, nothing)
Clubs - Nothing (Didn't place)
Free Arm - 1st
Rods - Nothing (Didn't place)
Aesthetics - 1st
Rhythmic - 3rd
Song & Dance - 1st
Spec - 2nd

And yeah, before the results of Spec, the points were as following:

Leawarra: 20 pts
Chadstone (Us): 20pts
West Coast: 22pts.

And the others weren't really in the competition, so yeah, it was close but really good for us =) Even if we did have Judy Curry adjudicating who really favoured West Coast and despised the Inters and we didn't place in 3 items...so we did really well =3

And out of the 3 comps we've completed now, we've come 2nd over all in all of them, where as there has been a different club winning over all. So in other words, we're the only constant one =P Which is good X3

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Underappreciated

2005-09-02T23:35:00.000+10:00

Feeling: Grumpy
Listening to: Pieces - Sum 41
Weather: Night

...Grrr...

Yes, I think that's the only way to describe it.

I've just read a post of Kayles' in the DC that I'm beginning to wish I -hadn't- read. Turns out Kat gave her one of her Draiks...-_-; Yes, everyone go give a Draik to everyone else and we'll see how depressed we can make Nikki! =D

Not.

Yes, I know they're pixels, but it's getting to the point of 'Draik Mania' where the only Neopet designs that I like that I can come up with are ones for Draiks. And unfortunatly as it is, there are no Draiks up on Neo Oddones at the moment....not even a Krawk either.

But s'if it would matter, this art slump is killing me. Nothing, nada, zilch, zero art from me at all. Before I got online I almost finished the Farindol/COMPIN layout, and I'll be glad to get it out of my system, and then there's all the other pieces of art that I havn't even started CGing that need to be done, and there's the art pieces that I need to do...I think I'll do 8...and with my latest record, it's going to take a month to do them each. How long do I have? 8 weeks...ha! What a cliche.

I'm screwed.

And underappreciated.

As much as I'd like to talk to Kayles again, I just can't. I've been abused too much to accept her behaviour as being a 'joke'. She may think it is, but until she realises it, she can go fuck herself too.

As can everyone else for deserting me.

I'm sick of people not talking/harassing me. I despise those people on AIM & MSN who I have on my lists who whenEVER I hop on either IM they're pouncing on me and...just leave me alone, I'm no fun, I do NOT have a good personality, I am NOT hot or good looking and not in the mood for talking.

Am I contradicting myself? Yes

Do I care? No

I could just a bout hit Em and Lee-Ann sometime. I just can't believe anything that anyone says these days. That 'talk' I had with Lee-Ann at Lunchtime before the formal makes me want to spew. Yeah...she said she cared about me 'cause I'm her 'friend' or something like that. Yeah...maybe 2 years ago. But not now. I don't have any classes with her, and whenever I do see her, about half the time she's bitching at me for us to swap lockers -_-; No thank you, my back's fucked up enough already without having to bend down and put my neck out TOO everyday.

But she seems to think I'm bullshitting and being a selfish bitch. Well I am so screw you too.

Em...? Well...as much as I do enjoy her company sometimes...it does irritate me how she's so eager to dump me when someone else comes along...singing practise for Speech Night the other day for example. How someone can be so introverted as to not like being in big crowds but will easily dump my pressence for one of a larger group is beyond me.

Yeah, I'm a pretty shitty person to everyone at KAGS actually...I very much doubt that there's anyone there I would willingly go confide in. No, that's easy, ther's NO ONE there. And quite a few I'd happily punch. It's sad how it seems most of my 'friends' belong to a school I've never even been to.

So yeah, week end after this one I'm going to Jen's friends sleep over/party/movie night thing. It'll be awesome, boys and free booze, what more could a girl want? Well...girls obviously, and I'm thinking that Jen may suspect I'm bi. But I havn't purposly dropped any hints to anyone in the 'real world' so poo to you. Keep your theorys to yourself.

No one cares for my art and it pisses me off. My number of page views in devART is worthy of shooting myself over. It's depressing. How can more people find my blog more enjoyable than my art gallery? You people are crazy.

But REALLY, don't those pixels I made mean ANYTHING?!

AT ALL?!

It's pathetic. And sad.

Everything, all of you are.

And I can't help but feel myself slipping away.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Roof on the Shelter

2005-09-01T19:50:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Sandstorm - Darude
Feeling: Somewhat accomplished, pressured and tired
Weather: Night

Wow...blogging again is such a surreal thing to do...I know how I survived without it....but I'm not quite sure how I did survive with it...if that makes any sense which it doesn't.

I'm just disappointed for not getting feelings and doings in blog form. That'll never happen now. Another bump in the road to be forgotten in due time.

I'm actually quite miffed that that post decided to delete its self. I know it was a very good, long and healthy post, but even now I can't remember what it was about...pissed...I'm just pissed.

But anyway, I'll have to post about my big art project that had it's rusted corrigated iron roof put on today <3>D

There are a few people lately that I've just thought about everyday...it's bizarre.

Anyway, double maths today periods 1 & 2, I forgot my maths books comPLETELY, so I left class and rang and got Dad to bring them up to me. Needless to say sitting on the perimetre of the school on the brick wall in the sun just waiting and not having a care in the world was much needed. I must try and find more 'me' time where I can just get out into nature and just sit down and think and not be so cluttered and crowded. But that short 'me' time I had while waiting for my dad I think was very soothing and beneficial and I was very sad when he eventually came and I had to go back to class.

Just the sun and hearing a magpie call was very relaxing.

Most of what was on my mind was getting to Canada. I -WILL- get to Canada, it'll probably be the death of me, but it'll well be worth it, until then, I'll feel incomplete. I think I came to the conclusion that I have to 'ask' my mother if I can call Sam, and to tell her that she and the other guys over there are the main reason for my wanting to go to Canada....I'm just afraid of how she'll react. She'll either thank me for being honest, or crack it. And due to yesterday's episode - I'm not quite sure which it'll be.

'Cause if worst does come to worst, I'll need some money from mes parents or a loan or something...but I unno...they're going to have to find out one day, aren't they?

I unno...I'm thinking telling Mum at least isn't such a great idea now.

Ah, Sam, the way we can manage to talk for ages and never so much as touch on the subjects one of us wants to talk about amazes me...guess we just get carried away, eh? Well, there was something I wanted to talk to Sam about last night, I can't really remember what it was now. This whole Farindol shit's just fucking me around like some street corner hooker.

And my gorgeous girl, Annie, 21 today...I DO hope she comes online so I can give her her present ;) Hmm...4 years between us? If mum or dad ever did find out, they can't do a thing about it - there's 4 -5 years between them and Mum's older. So fuck them. I also have that rubbish letter saying 'We'll accept you for whoever you become" so I can just shove that in their faces if they have a problem with it. I don't think they will though, they've never expressed any ill feelings for same gender relationships. In fact, I was having a great joke about wine that came from the 'Gay Valley' XD They weren't really laughing 'cause I have an odd and twisted sense of humour that only Sam, Dylan & Linda seem to understand, but they weren't condemning the idea I was going to hook the wine up with the potato peeler. So yeah.

Fuck them....no...my parents...not the wine and the potato peeler.

But um...I forgot what this post was about now, so I better just shut up.

At least I now have a roof on my shelter....or do I?

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Fucked

2005-09-01T01:30:00.000+10:00

Sorry for not blogging guys, I was afriad I'd disrupt something with that last post which has unfortunatly vapourized for no apparant reason -_-; So now begins the treaturous journey of backposting O-x;

EIGHTEEN?!

2005-08-28T20:19:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Lose Control - Missy Elliot
Feeling: Shock o_o
Weather: Night

Mkay...so...Dylan came over today mid-afternoonish to sorta um... 'help' with Dad and I constructing the main body of the giant diarama for my Art thingy, and just randomly while I was drilling in a screw, he comes out with:

Dylan: Hey, d'you wanna come to my 18th?
Me: WHAAAAAAA?!!!! O_O
Dylan: My 18th, I've no idea where it's gonna be or wh-
Me: YOU'RE SEVENTEEN?!
Dylan: Um...yea?
Me: WHAAAAAA?!!!!

I'm still in shock o_o I thought he was like...6 months older than me or something o_.; *twitch*

Well THAT was a wake up call, but if his birthday is October sometime and he is older than me, he MUST be turning 18 in October if I'm turning 17 in November...but seriously...I thought he was pretty much the same age as me...nope...turns out he's a whole year and a month older D; *twitch*

And after ALL the jokes I made about how useless it was having an older friend who isn't to buy booze or drive...but no...that ALL changes now o_o

So I guess I know where all of my money'll be going >_> But no, seriously, if Dylan's 18 and he can drive and buy booze...well...that'll just be awesome...as if I don't have enough to drink while I'm at his house XD Ah, there are perks of having a cousin who used to work at a...well...he knows how to mix pretty awesome drinks anyway =3 Even if I don't admit to it =P

So yeah...he invited me to his 18th party and it's sometime in October and I'm going to know NO ONE there - yey! XD But I think I'll still go anyway, Linda's gonna be there no doubt, so if all else fails I can convince her that I can drink or something...or something...yeah.

But seriously...EIGHTEEN!!!

Oh em gee *faints*

I'm SO gonna get drunk and try and get with chicks and blame it on being drunk >_>

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Unplanned

2005-08-26T18:02:00.000+10:00

Out with the old...in with the new?

2005-08-25T13:05:00.000+10:00

Feeling: Tentative & doubtful

Listening to: Suzie and the AV guy yelling xD

Weather: Fine

Well...this is my first attempt at posting on blogger through e-mail as I'm at school. I'm very doubtful that this will actually work, but if it does, I shall crank out the bubbly and glasses to go! Cheers! XD

Anyway...I've actually forgotten what I was going to blog about O_o;

But I put my concept of my way to display my art prac to my dad the other night, and he agreed to help me build it! =D So much so that we're going to Bunnings Ware House after school tonight to get the materials for it.

And I need:

- lengths of pine

- x number of (black) metal archetraves (sp?)

- Chicken wire

- Coregated Iron (for the roof)

- Barbed Wire?

And that's all. And I'll probably go to Spotlight or Lincraft or something after school tomorrow to get the material for the back of it.

And I've just finished my mini mock up of it too! =D Despite mostly being held together by sticky tape, ever since I put a few braces in the base of it, it's aLOT sturdier. So I think I'll try and stick to the mock up's design when making the real thing unless Dad has any suggestions or ideas...which he MOST likely will.

Also, does anyone know how to purposly make something rust?

'Cause I really want to make the coregated iron roof all rusty and old and stuff to stick with the junk yard theme of this diorama thing. I know a Yr. 12 girl last year had this massive 2x2m piece of coregated iron that with the help of the science department, she made all rusty and stuff...so prehaps I can do something like that.

But I'm off to think of excuses for not doing my french homework now <3;

And I just can't WAIT until after school today!

And that's how it is

Adios!

Worthwhile?

2005-08-25T01:38:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Time After Time - INOJ
Feeling: ...worthless?
Weather: Night

Honestly, I don't think remaining on Farindol or even Neopets is worth any of this shit. Not for Sam or anyone else, but just for me. ONLY me. I feel so crap.

And I've actually forgotten what I was going to say now.

What the fuck Sam's on about I still have next to NO idea. There's alot in this whole happening that is still very cloudy...but I just can't pin point which points and why...which is just fucking me up the wall 'cause...I just...how can all of the information be there, and everything confirmed...but with all of that...how can it all still no make sense?

I didn't understand this whole scenario right from the start, so I very much doubt anything will change now unless there' some major shock revelation. But knowing Sam, there won't be.

It's either all or nothing.

But how can it all just NOT make sense? I don't get it.

If I didn't know better I'd say that Sam's testing me or our friendship or SOMETHING like that. I know she's not the kind of person to play with other people's emotions and stuff. But that's EXACTLY what it looks like from where I'm standing.

I think Ben reads this and I don't know if he knows the whole story so I guess I can't go into much detail =/

Unfortunatly.

But it just PISSES me off.

WHY?!

Why the fuck would you do something like this?

How the fuck is replacing a name next to Council 1. and bumping me up to Council 2. supposed to solve Sam and I's friendship problems and benefit the guild?! I don't know.

I'm still pissed off. And now that it's been a few weeks I fear that I'm always going to have these repressed feelings of disappointment and anger. And Sam's cryptic puzzles only seem to add to this.

My brain's going to explode or something.

SOMEONE doesn't want me on that Council spot. And I guess my name wasn't changed because everyone's expecting Sam to miraculously re-appear next to Council 1. any day. But the truth is, it really doesn't change anything...in my eyes anyway.

She's still getting people slobbering all over her ass, I'm still feeling rejected and...I just DON'T see how this is supposed to change anything.

And here I am at 2am again trying to figure out cryptic puzzles....and I just KNOW mum's going to come in any moment and screech at me for still being online and I can just sense that my net's going to get cut off any day now.

I don't know. Like a certain other e-mail, this post probably sounds and looks alot more crude than it was originally meant to be.

I assure you I'm only venting my feelings and none of this is meant to hurt or offend.

But I tend to do that anyway.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Artistic Ways

2005-08-24T16:24:00.000+10:00

Listening to:
Feeling: like CGing...BADLY
Weather: I unno

Mmm...today went REALLY quickly...probably 'cause of the 2 periods that I skipped...but...when I went home it only felt like recess...probably because of the great day...double art, vis comm and drama <3

Awesome

So I get into school late, and Ms. Price was in a bad mood and telling me to work, but I didn't have my sketch book so stuff was pointless...I really wanted to start CG work on that Gryphon pic too =/ So I went into the ceramics room to talk to Em who was in a surprisingly good mood and...OMG..actually INTERESTED in something in MY life...that being the Calisthenics comp last night...so yeah...that was good.

I then actually DID get some work done in the form of Brainstorming with Em what to do about my Art prac thing. I did really want to create a sort of environment in the shape or form of a tunnel that people could walk into where I could have controll over their senses, ie. What they saw, smelt, felt etc.

But that idea is near impossible...and if it was, it would be incredibly hard to pull off and transport. So...the idea I came up with with Em is one that takes shape and form in a giant diorama thing...and when I say giant...I'm talking 2m high x 2.4m wide x 1m deep. Yeah...fucking massive.

I did a mock up of it in class with some flimsy wood which didn't -really- work due to the quality and lack of ability to work with a material so brittle and stuff. But I'm sure that it'll work...it works in my head anyway.

But then again, alot of things that work in my head never work in real life. As that's the way it is.

But yeah, I worked into and through out lunchtime so I could finish this mock up which ended up breaking in a few places as the wood couldn't take the staple gun =(

But yeah...VisComm...we started watching a video called "Merchants of Cool" which was about market research for the teenage niche and turned out to be REALLY facinating.

Did you know the average american teen takes in 3000 adds each day?

Yeah...freaking yanks =P

Anyway...Drama...OMG! Ms. James was actually THERE! O_O

And she expected us to do and show us work o-x; Needless to say we all thought that wasn't fair as she hadn't been there for 2 weeks and suddenly expected us to have everything done...um...no...

I ended up performing to her what I had of my solo so far. And she was pleased that I just got up there and did it...apparantly everyone else had stalled and stuff o-x; But when it comes to talking 1 on 1 with a really extraverted person like Ms. James which I don't know too well. I'm not about to start disagreeing and making up excuses.

So I did what I had, which didn't go too badly. But afterwards, she gave me alot of suggestions and stuff which I've yet to play with...Ms. Sterk also gave me some ideas yesterday which I think I'll use...just gotta remember that my character is a male fairy o-x;

So yeah...and went home o_o and here I am now really thinking I should blog...

But I'm REALLY in the mood for CGing....I have been since the very beginning of today. And as of today, it's been a month since I've sketched anything in my sketch book =/ I think I may have to change that a bit later or something...I just feel really guilty. I know that I owe alot to my sketchbooks; and if I lost ANY of them I know I would just die.

What am I up to? The very end of sketchbook 7 since of June '03? I just simply adore being able to go back to my past sketches and looking at them and seeing how far I've come in terms of technique, style, talent and skill...I really am quite proud of myself and my progress =)

So yeah....I'm in a really arty mood and I just want to pump out some REALLY astoundingly awesome picture...and I want to clean my room too o_o As BIZARRE as that sounds o_o;;;

But I'm really excited about this art prac thing! =D

I just can't wait to proove to the world my ability.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Angst ridden crossfires

2005-08-23T00:42:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Broken Bones - Love Inc.
Feeling: Angst ridden
Weather: Night

Well...first of all, Cassie comes online, and she's NEVER online this late, so I ask what the fuck she's doing, she replies cutting and crying and tells me she's cutting over some internet boyfriend or something that she misses. I tell her it's a FUCKING PATHETIC reason to cut.

Cutting is:
1.) a very personnal thing rarely advertised
2.) for a release of built up emotional energy

NOT "oh em gee! I miss him! *fluff*" Fucking bitch -_-; She's glorifieing cutting...or doing something wrong for the cause for the lost souls.

Well...in me getting pissed at her in other convos, found a fellow cutter.

Yes, I cut, I'm advertisting it. Get over it. I am what I am and it's not MY fault if no one cares enough to listen to my problems - the knife can listen for me.

Alrighty... the 'send' button is pressed, it's too late to fix anything now.

Just the NERVE of some people to think they're SUPERIOR. Fuck....if SOME people weren't so wrapped up in their own little worlds, they'd REALISE that certain PEOPLE (ie. me) aren't talking to them. Well I hope YOU'RE happy with your 'oh so superior' position. Someone please tell me, WHAT has she done in that position differently than what she normally has?

Fucking bitch fucking thinking she's fucking better than me -_-;

And YES, I DO have bad experiences with people 1 - 2 years younger than me. We'll either get along or hate each other's guts. ANd that's how it was on November the 4th of last year...I still can't believe it...but I'm just thankful she hasn't called back. That would be a disaster...Shy Pie is dead, everyone from the world she knew thinks she is dead. And that is the way that it WILL stay.

Only one who can change that is one medelling 14 - 15? year old.

Fuck.

Fuck I lovet this song. Portrays the 'glamour side' to drug use sorta....

Now...WHY the fuck can't YOU be TWO people?! It'd make it so much easier.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Reflections

2005-08-22T17:14:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Better off Alone - Alice Deejay
Feeling: Reflective
Weather: Overcast

These last few days...I wish would just vanish and leave behind the formal and the 24 hour lead up to it which was just awesome. There are things that I've said to people that I just really wish I hadn't...I live by my life rule:

"Just wait a second and it'll sort its self out"

It's....something I go by all too often...if I think about doing something before I actually do it, I always restrain myself that bit to see if what I was about to say gets answered. And there's the introverted part of me. I just fear that one day that little 'bit' that I restrain myself against will be the death of me...or someone.

Just finished reading Sam's blog, something I try to do amongst many other things...but...as much as I hate to admit, Sam, you and I are more alike than I think you or I know. It pains me to say that as I don't like to be like anyone else...from a very young age I havn't liked 'copying' others or being like them in anyway. Now, I HAVN'T taken this to great extremes as being introverted it's against my nature to stand out. But I shall quietly achieve what I want and need to, and my failures will stay within my fleshy jail.

But yeah...just things I WISH I hadn't have said...or even thought. I can't believe I was almost CONSIDERING going and hugging Morna -_-; How ABSOLUTLY disgusting of me...and I can't believe I even had that DISCUSSION with Lee-Ann, yet alone shed a tear!

God...I just want to slap myself for that...how OUT of my chracter is TALKING to other people?! Fuck...no...NEVER again. It's positivly disgusting how weak I am in my weaker moments. I needn't had worried...I SHOULDN'T have.

But unfortunatly, worrying is a part of who I am, as is being stubborn as I discused with Lee-Ann. I am NOT about to do something out of my character that -I- see as weak. There are very few people that I would ever apologise to. And the majority that do hear the 's' word out of my mouth is purely for the reason for my own personnal gain.

Hey! Don't look at me like that! Who hasn't kissed their parents' asses before to get what they want?!

*hugs acting skills*

Ah, use and abuse...it all boils down to that. What a mysterious character I am...or would like to think I am.

Time to draw up Secreatia's other form I think >D

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Title-less...HA! I SAID TIT!

2005-08-21T23:47:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Paris to Berlin - Infernal
Feeling: SO...FUCKING...TIRED
Weather: Night

Formal was fucking awesome...I still have to back blog about that o-x; But yeah...Sunday...today...I'm over my hang over which I'm grateful for. But I also drank last night at Linda's...so I still can't drive...but I really need to get some Smirndorfs...>_>

But yeah, yesterday, the Juniors had a comp which I unfortunatly had to go to with my hangover...yee >_> I think Katie kinda caught onto what state I was in as she asked whether I had 'recovered' and also asked me that today when we were going to Tiff's Calis comp. But yeah.

Subbies had their CVI which I went to see the end of and got to see Jess make a speech =P And from there, Katie P. took Jess and I to Tiff's comp...which we left early 'cause we were getting a bit mrr00f about. And yeah, then we went around checking out...DUN DA NA DAA!!!!

BUS SHELTERS!

...

For the record, no, I'm not drunk.

Katie's uncle works for a bus company, and every month she has to go and check out all the bus shelters in the Frankston area and make sure the lights are working, the adds are up and they're not grafitiied or smashed or anything =) So yeah...that was good as I LOVE joy riding.

And yeah, Linda's last night was good. We got invited and yeah...Dylan wasn't there and had decided to stay at a friend's place that he was helping move or something...so yeah. But later after dinner, Linda DRAGGED me into the lounge room to get all the goss, and I was JUST about to tell her about the guys smoking weed at the after party...but then my MOTHER just had to come in and decide that she HAD to be a part of 'the goss' -_-;'

After Linda had interrogated me enough there was some conversation that my mother sparked about her not being able to be my friend and only my mother...well FUCK YOU BITCH! If you were more FRIENDly to me...MAYbe! And if you didn't favour one child...Maybe then too! But NO definatly NOT.

And if I make my mother depressed that I have a 'replacement mother', SO BE IT. That can be her punishment of being a bad mother. Linda's told me multiple times that she loves having me around and stuff 'cause she never got a daughter and is just like, 'WHY didn't I get a girl?!' and stuff LoL...and yeah...I was going on about wanting my belly button pierced too and Linda's got hers done and mum doesn't want me getting it done.

And Linda was saying the whole night that it's not something that you openly show, though I wasted no time pointing out whenever her top came above her belly button =P But yeah, when we were saying good bye we hugged and it went on forever. She was just saying how I was her favourite niece now, and 'I love you' also came up too...which I wasn't sure how to reply to, but at the end she also said 'And we'll see what we can do about that belly button for Christmas'

...

SQUEE!!! X3

Nikki's getting her belly button pierced for Christmas! X3

I really do luff Linda though...as much as it does irk me how she agrees with me on things, but doesn't argue that point against my mum and just agrees with her...I guess she doesn't want to appear like she's taking over the role of my mother...though I wish she did...she would've let me stay out ALOT later for the formal after party and would've let me spend ALOT more on it...but yeah...one day.

David and Linda's ensuit bathroom has almost been completed...HOLY FUCK SHIT!

How many bathrooms do you know that have a BUILT IN TV, CD player, radio, full glass sink, and the only thing separating the shower from the rest of the bathroom is a pane of glass, it is SO cool...and the nozzle for the shower is fucking awesome also! It's...I was amazed...

Also, during the night, Linda leant in to me and told me that if I ever went out or found another guy, Dylan'd be heart broken...and I just had to go 'Aw' to that...Linda said that he was so jealeous that I was taking another guy to the formal...lol...I guess he is that kind of jealeous guy X3 But that's sweet...havn't seen Dylan for a while actually =/

Must do something about that next week-end X3 But I'll make sure to bring my formal photos ;) Oh I AM cruel

And through SG I've just found another gothic clothing store <3>

http://www.heavyred.com

Oh I do love my gothic crap <3

Also rang Sam this morning...I was originally ringing to poke her onto AIM so I could show her my formal photos...but...didn't seem like the time or place...she sounded a bit under the weather and...=/ I do wish that I knew what was going on, and I do so hate being left in the dark, but I also know there's next to no chance of any light being shed as, as much of I am 'the closest thing I have to a friend' says she...I just don't GET that feeling as the better half of the time I havn't half a toothpick's worth of knowledge to know what's going on.

But I've just been talking to Annie (PPAH) now, and it's been good to talk to her again...it's been fucking forever! And as for my other Annie, her Grandma's just recently died, so she's gone on a small trip to go to the funeral.

Ah, how precious life is.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

2005-08-21T14:09:00.000+10:00

SHIT FUCK I GOTTA GO NOW!!!

LUFF YA SAM!

Formal Happenings: Part 2

2005-08-19T06:07:00.000+10:00

Listening to:
Feeling:
Weather: ...dark? It's earlier morning anywho =P

Well...I've just woken up, had my shower and put moisturiser on ALL over.

WARNING: Has giant penis like tendencies

...

...X3

So yeah...formal tonight in 17 hours and 23 minutes...so yes. All you Canadians, here's the time break down in Beaver Time:

10pm - Nikki gets her toenails done

11 pm - Nikki starts to get her hair cut, curled & styled

1:30am - Nikki's make up gets started X3

2:30 - 4am - Jess And Linda come around

4am - Pat comes & we leave for Lauren's

4:30am - Party bus leaves

5:30am - Formal starts

9:30am - Formal ends

10am - Afterparty starts ;)

And I've just realised I've woken up an hour too soon! DX *pokes time stamp*

And that's how it is

Adios!

Formal Dramas/Happenings: Part 5/1

2005-08-18T23:26:00.000+10:00

Listening to: some techno thing on the radio
Feeling: ...LESS stressed
Weather: Night (Though it was a BEAUTIFUL day today)

Ah...where to begin...in 24 hours the actual formal will just be finishing...OMG!

But...let's not try and think of that, eh?

As I posted before, my fake tan for last night was cancelled...um....but to today...let's just start from lunch. I told Lee-Ann I'd talk to her about in between formal to afterparty plans...'cause THAT is what I forgot COMPLETELY about DX

But yeah, Lee-Ann & I talked about the whole situation with me and Bron, Morna & Steph all lunch time...and I saw a different side of her...out of her and Cici I would've thought that Lee-Ann would be the more likely to rip my head off...but she was very calm and talked to me about it, I of course didn't tell her my reason for ignoring them...but what shocked me is that the apparantly, the whole year level knows and is as confused about it as Lee-Ann and has been asking her and everyone else in our friendship groups what's going on as we're just such a small year level and...yeah...

They said that I didn't really talk to anyone the whole year...which is what it was really...had anyone tried to talk to me I would've talked back I guess...but yeah...knowing that people have thought of me like that and want to know what's going on though....it changes my thoughts completely as I thought that NO ONE would've realised and if they did, care.

So...yeah...the rest of the day was a bit awkward after having the knowledge that people were all too aware of what was happening last year...and...prehaps...concerned? =S I don't know...but...I tried to continue like normal, but it's just this niggling at the back of my mind saying, "They thought of you THIS way last year"

So yeah...

I'm actually quite thankful for Lee-Ann...we were never the closest of buds, and havn't really been either...but....she was really understanding when I said something like: "I've come this far, I can't go back now or do anything that goes against my personality and who I am and what my beliefs are"...I think that's the part that got her. And I'm not officially the most stubborn person she knows =P

Anywho, got home, had a shower and exfoliated, put my teeth whitening stuff in. Went to the Junior's extra practise which was good...Katie wasn't there and =/ but they were practising their Spec, which I hadn't seen before.

Linda picked me up and she had Baby which I havn't been in before. Only thing that irked me was the fact that I couldn't see the dial to see how fast she was going X3 We got to the tanning place and I was showed to the room where I'd be having my tan done. The machine/booth thing I was having done in turned out to be this new invention thing from America and the tanning salon was one of the first in Australia to have it, so needless to say it was good =)

The lady whose name turned out to be Sam set the settings for the tan while Linda pinned my hair up and Sam basically ran me through what was going to happen and reminded me to put some of the moisturiser in the room onto my hands and feet so they wouldn't go darker than the rest of me as they sometimes tend to do n_n;

So yeah, I stripped down and put the moisturiser on and did as I was instructed to do. I had to stand on these metal things on the booth that apparantly sent static electricity though my body so when the machine sprayed to me, it'd sorta stick to me...I probably shut my eyes tigheter than I should've...but hey! First time! So the machine sprayed my front and back and I managed not to enhale any =) And it then had a drying thing, although I was dried by the first 30 secs of the dryer thing, I pushed the button for it to go 2 more times, just 'cause I'm paranoid.

And yeah...wiped the bottom of my feet alot...I'm scared to look at them xD They're probably really badly tanned or something.

So, waited a bit for Linda and Sam commented on the major difference...and so did Linda xD She was just like, "WOW O_O" X3; So yeah, I'm convinced I look pretty alright.

Drove back to my house and she came in for tea/coffee...dad joked about throwing us out 'cause we were abbos 'cause Linda got a tan too X3 So yeah, Linda came in and we talked and yeah, showed her my wrap for the night and the tie that I got Pat which she liked, but she's seeing what she can find for a wrap as she wasn't too crash hot on the one mum made. Called Lee-Ann back as she had apparantly called earlier, and so I called her to see what was happening, and I talked to Linda about not being invited to the pre-drinks thing and she agreed that it was immature 'cause this IS the formal.

I also made this point to Lee-Ann, 'This is the night of the formal where EVERYONE has a right to be happy and with their friends, she's taking that right away from me, and I completely understand why, but why take this out on a subject that is COMPLETELY unrelated?!'...so yeah, Lee-Ann called me back a few minutes later and I also offered my mum to car pool from formal -> Bron's house -> afterparty...yeah...and I'll find out tomorrow what's happening...which is REALLY last minute =/

So anyway...I feel a bit more relaxed now and not as stress balled as before...and I think how I'll be able to relax and have fun getting my hair and everything done. And Jess has decided she's going to pop by my house and see Pat and me and everything =)

Which is comforting

Here's to hoping everything goes alright tomorrow night.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Formal Dramas: Part 4 (Stress)

2005-08-17T22:36:00.000+10:00

Listening to: September - Greenday
Feeling: Stressed & Tired
Weather: Night

Ok...to make things less complicated and save me typing & thinking too much, I'm just going to dot point the stress

- 2 days until formal
- did buy Pat's tie today, but that's $20 down the drain
- lady supposed to be doing my fake tan tonight had to cancel, so now it's going to be tomorrow night and I'm going to be orange -_-;
- I'm going to feel very uncomfortable in the party bus situation as the ones there at the start of it I don't know very well
- I still have so much to organise
- Pat TXTed me and so instead of ringing him to finalise things tonight, that'll be happening tomorrow -_-;
- Manicure tomorrow (I think...? =S)
- Fake tan tomorrow
- I've now been put on a table with Lisa, Eb, Gigi & Anna, it's a given things will be awkward lest I'm next to Eb, which I doubt
- I realised I have no means of transport to get to the after party (AKA Shaneequa's 18th)
- I doubt I'll get to be with/talk to Cici, Caitlyn, Liz, Lee-Ann & Em all night so I'll be stuck in awkward situations the whole time
- Again, the uncomfortability in the party bus...there's going to be dancing and singing and I can only get into that in a situation like that if I A.) Am drunk (which I can't be or else I won't get into the formal) B.) Get really into it after a while o-x;
- I fear not having anyone much to talk to on the night
- I just KNOW I'm going to have my period for the formal! DXXX

I actually think that's about it...so...to sum it up

- Lack of plans
- Lack of friends/people to talk to
- Lack of tan
- Won't be in comfort zone for the majority of the party bus/formal/afterparty
- Afraid of awkwardness with Pat
- Period

It' just so much stress and I'm beginning to not really look forward to it at all now...I just hope that everything will pull together and be alright on the night...so I can at least 'look' like I'm having a good time...I don't know...mum's being an after party nazi too saying that she's going to pick me up at 1:30 am when it starts at 12:15 and is supposed to end at 3:30 u_u;

I'm just so stressed, talking to Linda momentarily lifted this...but it's back.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Edit: I've just gotten an e-mail from Annie, her grand mother's died.

Fighter

2005-08-16T13:03:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Police band in the assembly hall
Feeling: Fired up, bitchy and ready to fight
Weather: Unseasonally sunny

Why is that when ever you've just had a fight you ALWAYS think of things you could've said.

Well, Cici's bitching to Liz and Caitlyn about me right now. I havn't heard or seen it, but I know it. It's only natural after all.

I'm not quite sure what to do.

I went to find Cici to see what was going on and whether her, me, Caitlyn and Liz are on a table...well..straight answer is no as we didn't have enough people for a table. So yeah, and at the little place behind he music school, she then continued to interrogate me as to why I wanted to go to 'Bron's pre drinks' anyway. Well...needless to see the semi-fight issued from there, no shouting, raising voices at all really...a disagreement and trying to sort things out if anything.

But she hates me and is bitching now, and from that I know she probably thinks I'm really cocky and up myself and can do whatever I want. Well...I'm not really, that's just the impression I put across. And while I appear strong, I don't really mind if that comes with a side dish of bitching behind my back. No doubt it will anyway.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

Formal Dramas Part 3 (Nazi bitching was Part 2)

2005-08-16T12:08:00.000+10:00

Listening to: IT room sounds
Feeling: TIRRREED
Weather: Blue sky with a few marshmallow clouds =)

...UGH

That's the only word to discribe it....ugh...

I stayed up 'til 1am last night and woke up at 7:30 so I have NO idea why I'm SOOO tired.

But anyway, walking back from recess in the IT room to get my books for Maths, I walked past Erin, Dale & Coreena, Erin stopped me and said that they had 2 spare spots on their table so Pat and I were welcome to come sit there if we needed it...

Wait...no...how about we go back even FURTHER than that and talk about what happened just after form assembly this morning...

Of course the pre drinks for my friendship group thing (10 including me) are at Bron's house, she is one of the 3 people I havn't talked to in 1 1/2 years. This I was a little iffy about. But I was just talking to Lee-Ann this morning and I was like, "So what's going on with pre-drinks?" and she was just like, "Um...yeah...about that..." and continued to tell me that 'NONE' of the group really wanted me there. Ok, that I can understand so I dismissed it and began to walk ahead of Em and Lee-Ann...but no...she continued on with the topic. And we got into...not an argument or fight, just expressing my point. And saying that I'd been hurt and have no intention of giving 'them' a reason any time soon of my reasons.

So yes...I now have to find another pre-drinks to go to now...somehow...I don't KNOW what to do. I need to tell Lee-Ann something, "Thank them for giving me another reason to hate their guts and to never make any contact with them ever again".

The only thing that could upset this is if next year, Bron get Social Service Captain, Morna gets music captain, Steph gets International Captain and I get Arts Captain -_-; That would be a DISASTER...oh my God...it just can't happen...it CAN'T...though that e-mail she sent me in June last year lingers in my mind.

NO. Forget it. Never again will I EVER contact any of them. The very CONCEPT of that NEVER enters my mind.

I'm stubborn. Yes. And if I need to hold a grudge for the rest of my life. Damn straight. I'm gonna do it.

Anyway, skip forward a bit to Maths today, Lisa wants me to sit on her table for the formal now...table with her, Anna, Gigi & Ebony...I -know- that the only reason they want me on their table is because Pat's my partner for the formal...and, I really don't want to be on their table when I know that's the only reason I'm there.

And then there's also the fact that I think Cici and I are on a table with Liz and Caitlyn or something...FUCK...what do I do?! And I now think I'm not on speaking terms with Em & Lee-Ann either...joy -_-;

I'll leave it up to them, if they wanna talk to me, cool, I guess I'll semi-forgive them for being one sided bitchy slut cunts who are immature and naive...but it doesn't matter.

During spare Anna said she thinks I'm on her table, I just said I don't know...seems to be the answer I'm giving anyone lately...gee...there's a LOT I don't know.

But the bell for lunch has gone and I'll just go down to my locker to see if I can find Lauren there o-x;

Hopefully not.

And that's the way it is.

Adios!

The Formal Nazi

2005-08-15T23:06:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Holding out for a hero - Bonie Taylor?
Feeling: Rage
Weather: Night

Fuck I hate her.

And no prizes for guessing who this refers to.

The monster of my mother has now taken a new alias of 'The Formal Nazi" -_-; You would RECON that she'd be at least HALF understanding of this is my 'big night' where I get to look all pretty and beautiful and feel like a princess....HA! My mother? Understanding? WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING?!

No, I can't have a pedicure, yes, she can leave it until the last minute to organise appointments, no, she will not take me to chadstone to get material to make a wrap to go with my dress, no, she will not ask the mother of the girl whos pre-drinks I'm going to and also not on speaking terms with -_-;

And yes, I WILL have a horrible time

The only thing that might go against that is the chat I had with Pat on MSN this afternoon and evening...he's just the nicest of guys...really...asking what colour tie, shirt, whether to have the colour up or down...Ah X3

But I swear! If I didn't know any better I'd say she's TRYING to piss me off.

I have a small argument with her about a pedicure for the formal, go to have a shower, go back to talk to her and try and pretend like nothing happened, and here I am AGAIN! I tried talking to her about the pre-drinks before hand...

Me: Yeah, Pat asked me how much he's allowed to have at the pres
Mother: I thought there would be no alcohol for the children?

Yes, and you let your daughter drink every friday night, FUCK YOU! Ok, so maybe I can deal with not having anything to drink before hand and things with Pat and I just being awkward...but not going to any predrinks at all?

Well, I was thinking of going to Bron's pre-drinks as that's where ALL of my group is going...even the ones I don't talk to. And it's unfortunate that for the past year and a half I havn't been on speaking terms with Bron, so I asked my mother if she could ask her mother if it'd be alright for me to come...but no...apparantly it isn't. For the sake of AN HOUR at someone's house where there will be at least 14 others, I have to either sort out the differneces (Which will NEVER happen) or just not go to any pre-drinks, pick Pat up and go straight to the formal...there is NO way that that is happening.

So now I can't even have a pedicure because I'm NOT catching a limo, got a FUCKING cheap dress and it looks like I'm not going to pres either now...and with all these cutbacks she can't even spare a measily $35 for a pedicure! FUCKING BITCH!

I think we finally settled that I would get an appointment at the podiatrist to get my toe nails clipped and cleaned up or something, and I'll just put some clear nail polish on them or something...

FUCK I HATE HER! Why can't she see that this is MY night and that I should at least have the BASICS given all the cutbacks! Any bets she's not going to like the measily $15 for after party either -_-;

Mother, that letter you wrote me was complete bullshit and I considered burning it in the candle I was holding. I know it's bullshit, you know it's bullshit and it always will be...'From the day you were born...' FUCK YOU!

The only reason that fucking letter made me cry is because I knew that it was ALL a pack of lies and she only did it because she HAD to...I hate her...I hate him and I hate him...

Why won't ANYONE just fucking care about me?!

Well...if I can corner Lauren tomorrow, it looks like I'll be talking my formal woes over with her...I hope...I have no sense of direction any more, as much as a good friend X is, she's de-sensitised, Kat is hopeless in these situations, and it looks as though I've lost my Sam.

So it looks like I'm going to have to do something that I have long dreaded and avoided.

Confiding in someone in the real world.

And that's how it is.

Adios!

CLC - The Conspiracy

2005-08-15T13:00:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Nada
Feeling: ...neutral...OMG I KNEW IT!
Weather: *peeks out of window* Full on clouds everywhere

Well I -did- suspect that there might've been something going on given the unusual ammount of times that I got seated next to Pat (which you guys don't know about as Day 2 & 3 are still in drafts), but the whole conspiracy soon un-veiled its self this morning.

I had double Drama first, but Ms. James never turned up and it was early on in the class where we were all gossiping and everything. And it was then that Amy blurted out that there was this 'MASSIVE CONSPIRACY' to get us together. And the conspiracy was to move our place name tags for meals next to each other so that we'd talk. And EVERYONE in the year level was in on this...aside from Pat and I of course n_n;

So yeah, I said I did think that something was happening. And I've just had VisComm where Erin was showing me a 3rd picture that I didn't know had been taken of Pat and I n_n;

And she again said that EVERYONE was trying to put our name tags next to each other whenever and where ever they could and that we were really cute together...and I'll have to upload that pic sometime. I'd also like to upload the 290+ photos that Eb & Ms. Stockdale took that are up on the I: drive at school now...but my Photobucket account is choccas =S

So if anyone has some spare space I can upload a few of these pics, that'd be awesome X3 I can get each of them down to about 80KB in JPEG form before they start fuzzing out on me X3

But yeah...great to know 1/2 the year level cares so much/likes to hook classmates up/stuff

And that's how it is.

Adios!

OMG! PAT! (Pink Fl00f Part 5)

2005-08-13T22:41:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Here I go again - Unno
Feeling: Tired but fl00fy
Weather: Night

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v85/shypie/nikkiandpatoooo.jpg

Squee X3 That's a pic of Pat and I taken on CLC...yeah...we both look like shit and Pat actually looks like he has a broom up his ass...but anyway X3

And this is the pic that I was reportedly blushing after in.

And yeah...also first picture of me minus braces! =D

So yeah...and the file name was created by Ishani o-x;

And that's how it is.

Adios

CLC Conclusion

2005-08-12T23:57:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Summer Rain - Slinkee Minx
Feeling: Satisfied
Weather: Night

Well, I'm just about to go and post what's happened over the last 3 days...unfortunatly without photos as Lee-Ann hasn't come online to give them to me...she apparantly took this 'really cute' one of me and Pat...and yes...according to sources I WAS blushing -_-;

But anywho...pictures shall come later =3

But yes, I'm just about to go back and blog about the last 3 days, I'll set the date and time to the date of the day and possibly the approximate time that I COULD have blogged had I had laptop + internet connection - not hanging around with everyone. So yeah...X3

But in conclusion, the camp was absolutly awesome. But far THE best camp that I have ever been with. All the guys were really great guys and alot of fun to be around...especially when they cried X3

I just LOVE it when guys cry X)

So anyway, onto the back-blogging

And that's how it is!

Adios!

CLC - Day 2

2005-08-11T19:03:00.000+10:00

Listening to: *typedy type type*
Feeling: GUH! TIRED!
Weather: Clear

It's actually August 17, but in a bid to proove Sam wrong, I'm going to blog more about what happened on CLC.

Well...day 2. Started out alright, got woken up, got dressed and went down for breakfast, had my cereal and toast and I was sitting with Ishani, Becky, Vic, Coreena Emma...I think Lee-Ann was there? Anyway, Dan Healy came to sit down with us...God knows for what reason, and Becky, Ish, Vic & I were the ones on the table futhest from him so we were making jokes about the others being sucked into him (especially Emma).

...THEN, he asks me a question: "Hey, are you the chick taking Pat to the formal?" I hesitantly reply yes and he asks me if I've spoken to him yet (like so many others had already asked) I said no...and then...oish...Dan looked around for Pat, found him, and called him over to the table o_o;;;

OTAY! Dan said for Pat to go sit next to me and talk and stuff...mind you, talking to someone is EXTREMLEY difficult when you're being forced to...so for an awkward 5 or 10 minutes we made small talk conversation to each other by Ish, Becky & Vic who were all for finding any similarities we have...turns out he's born 10 days after me o_o

So YEAH...that was AWKWARD and I don't think we made eye contact once and he wiped his mouth on the napkin my plates were in o-x; I didn't point this out as it would've made things worse...but...I survived?

So yes, Ishani was very enthusiastic about us talking o-x;

Finally, breakfast officially 'ended' and we found out the agenda for the day which is basically all family-based activities. We started off by meeting in the hall and having 7 of the students talk to us, 4 from Korowa and 3 from Skev's. There were originally 3 from each school, but then Dallas decided to join that number and talk about how her mother was gay =) We then went off into our own small groups to do a 'getting to know you' excercise in pairs. I was paired up with this rather hot guy called James who we found out, his cousins live ACROSS THE ROAD from me! Like...small world! Hello! And I used to play with them too o_o Scary scary.

Anyway, I think after we told the group about our partner, their siblings, interests, family life, school subjects etc. We were then given a piece of paper and instructions to draw a tree which represented us, our life and relationships with our family...oh boy...I could've made mine SO horribly morbid. But I REALLY don't want anyone getting onto my case. I decided to make my tree an Euclypt (sp?) of some kind...it was tall and sickly...so I thought. And had the branch that Grandpa always betted would fall off before my birthday...Grandpa's dead now...but 9-11years later that branch is still there...I think....I havn't been to Grandma's house as it's been sold =(

But anyway, we then had morning tea or something...oh yes, and before all of that we also did an ectivity were EVERYONE on the camp had to hold hands in a great big circle, and pass 2 hoops around it...yeah...

Anyway, skipping forwards to lunch...we had (greasy) pizza...and...also name tags...my name tag...was next to one...that said... 'Pat O'Bryan' DX AH CRAP!

The only other girls on the table were Fei Fei and Liv, so just in general there was no conversation, and Pat didn't say anything to me at all, as did I o-x;

I gotta go to recess now and stuff. Edit & Add more later =P

Arts Captain...? =S

2005-08-11T15:47:00.000+10:00

Listening to: Nada
Feeling: Curious
Weather: Cl0udy

Well...had French 6th period over at Sac with Catherine and Kathryn only to discover that the Sac girls would be working on their french poems all lesson -_-; Anywho, so Prue and Nat logged onto the computers and the 3 of us just basically surfed around...me stealing a few windows for Exim and looking at blogs and stuff...but anyway, near the end of the lesson, Catherine leaned over to me and told me that we had to get Captain nomination forms from Ms. Rome and she was telling me 'cause she didn't think many Wilky girls knew.

I then said I didn't really know what I'd go for, and she said that I should go for Arts Captain, Kathryn agreed with this and I continued to say that 'Ebony or Niko or someone will get it'...to which Catherine replied, "You'll never know if you never try".

I shrugged this off and continued looking at hairstyles for the Formal which Catherine then asked me about to continue the conversation.

Anyway, after class, Catherine asked if I wanted to go and get a subject selection form now....I couldn't help but think she was pushing me into this which she did point out...in honest fact I just don't like the idea of nominating yourself.

So we got back to KAGS, and Catherine again asked if we wanted to get a Captains Nomination form now, I gave in to this, so we went to Ms. Romes office where both Kathryn and I got a form and Ms Rome explained it us.

On the form you have to have someone to second you being Arts Captain, and as we were exciting Catherine said, "I'll second you if you like," which seemed a bit...I unno...like she -really- wants me for Arts Captain or something? =S I can't help but wonder how many others think the same way...but prehaps she was just trying to get votes for School Captain =S

Who knows

And that's how it is.

Adios!